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Pete Davidson Double-Dating With Jeff Bezos Is Another Sign The Sim Is Broken and/or The Illuminati is Real


Page 6 - Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson were spotted on a double date with Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sánchez at hot spot A.O.C. in West Hollywood, Calif., Monday night.

Following their outing with the Amazon CEO and his girlfriend, the lovebirds were photographed with their arms wrapped around each other as they exited the restaurant.

The comedian seems to have a close rapport with Bezos as they were set to launch into space together on a Blue Origin shuttle.


Have you ever gotten high and thought about how the world all works and how everything connects and what it all means? Of course you have. We've all done it. And once you think you've figured it out, you see Pete Davidson, who is dating Kim Kardashian, is hanging out with Jeff Bezos. None of it makes a lick of sense. You know how they say if you put a monkey in front of a typewriter and let it pound the keys infinitely, eventually it'll write a book? That's Pete Davidson's life. It's a series of events that never in infinity years make any sense but somehow his life is the 1 in a gazillion book written by the monkey at the typewriter. Guy was living in his mom's basement on Staten Island until like, 3 years ago. Now all he does is fuck the hottest women and hang out with the world's richest human. You ever think about that? There's 7.7 billion people on this Earth right now. And this dude Pete Davidson is rubbing elbows with the person with the most money out of anyone. I'm not even that high right now and it's blowing my mind. It's so preposterous. 

And the thing is, I like Pete Davidson. Not as much this version of Pete, but Pete Davidson 1.0. The comedian Pete Davidson. I think I blogged about him when he was 18 and joined SNL. He was 110 pounds, had shitty teeth, and was still grinding the stand-up circuit. Fun fact- he left me tickets for his show at the Arlington Cinema Drafthouse like 8 years ago. Never, ever, ever, ever would have imagined that same Pete Davidson would become the current Pete Davidson. His rise is unlike anything we have ever seen. He must be the most charming person to ever walk the planet, or he has sold his soul to the Illuminati for the chance to live this sort of life. I think the latter is more likely and I'm not even remotely joking. He took some deal with the Illuminati but in return the weird awkward comedian gets to be on SNL, bang Kim K, and go to space with Jeff Bezos. If you didn't believe in that type of thing before, I'd like to hear your argument against it now.

Maybe one day we'll get the full story on how this all happens. I doubt it though. Pete will keep drinking lizard blood with Bezos and when this Kim K era of his life is over, he'll start dating...I don't even know. Like....some sort of genetically modified mega-celebrity mashup of Beyonce, Rihanna, and Taylor Swift? I'm sure Bezos is working on it as we speak.