Everyone knows I'm the world's biggest Shrek fan. That's just a fact. Sure, I've only seen Shrek once (last summer) and Shrek 2 once (like 4-5 weeks ago) but there's not a person with air in their lungs that doesn't think of my eyeball beard the moment that affable green giant pops up on the TV or computer. It's classical conditioning at this point; Pavlov's dog. Did you just see a picture or video of Shrek? Then your mouth just started salivating and my hairy face popped into your brain. That's just a fact. I know it and you know it.
I am roughly 40% sure that's how the Pavlov's dog theory goes.
This didn't come without a fight, either. For a week or so after drafting Shrek as a top 5 comedy of the years 2000-2009, I was inundated with comments like "moron!" "loser!" "tasteless fuck!" and "Napoleon complex ridden COCKFACE!" but after single handedly combatting those comments for weeks on end with my internet fists, the tides shifted.
Now everyone and their mother wants a piece of the green ogre.
You think Al Pacino knows his way around a film? He's only got 9 Oscars, including 5 best actors. If you're calling me an idiot, you're calling one of the greatest actors to ever do it an idiot too. Good luck with that one!
That's what I thought, you lemmings. The thing is though is that I know you all agreed with me. I know you all think Shrek is one of the best comedies of that era. Many of you just saw that weirdo Carl freak out, leave the room and then the masses followed him over the cliff. Now that I have Al Pacino on my side, you can start to share what you REALLY think about Shrek because it's the popular thought. The truth shall set you free!
On another note, myself, Ed, Chief, Danny, Lantz and Tom strolled through a Shrek pop up bar last week to meet the green man himself. Simply put, it was a magical experience, and an experience that was fully detailed in this week's episode of Stool Scenes Chicago.
Kill off 30 mins of your day in the cube by checking it out and SUBSCRIBE TO BARSTOOL CHICAGO'S YOUTUBE CHANNEL: