I'll Never Forget Where I Was The Day Remembering The Time WSD Jumped In The River

Carl3/30/2022 7:40 PM

We've been recycling a bunch of videos on our instagram feed and facebook page lately and this one just struck a major chord with me. Truthfully, I have no idea where I was the day this happened. I just know that it finally happened and we put a longstanding beef to rest. One that long originated back to the early days of Red Line Radio where WSD guaranteed the Cubs would have a winning record in the 1st half of 2017. Instead they finished 2 games under .500 and thus started a 3 years journey to get his ass in the Chicago river.

Personally I'm never jumping in the Chicago river. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not to cure cancer or bring world peace. All worthy causes but not at the expense of my skin melting off my bones due to some invasive indigenous species born from centuries of ill advised chemical distribution and misguided cleanup efforts. I'm not going out that way and for that reason you will never find me in the Chicago river.

Speaking of which, let this be a good reminder to all you youngsters that will be venturing into the city this year. Everyone always asks me for bachelor party advice and for some custom itinerary like I'm the Chicago concierge here. But really the only advice I can give you guys is simply do not jump in the river no matter how tempted you are this summer. I know the bridges don't seem that high up and I know you've had a lot to drink and are practically invincible. But that's a risky proposition that will very much end up poorly. No amount of snapchat clout and related pussy will be worth the underlying chances to your DNA and genome structure. This might be the most serious thing I've ever said. Don't jump in the river.

Alternatively, you might want to do a kayak tour. Social Media Danny actually works for one of the kayak companies during the summer as a tour guide. The guy loves to paddle up and down the river. If you see him out around town, ask him for a discount. Danny specializes in groups of 10 or more. Tell your friends. This is Danny and he's looking for your business.