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Lighten the Fuck Up! A Sexy Woman and Her Cat...

B2M Productions. Getty Images.

A sexy woman went on a week-long business trip leaving her husband to take care of the house. Before she left, she told him to take special care of Mittens, her cat. 

After a long exhausting flight, she checked into her hotel and then immediately called home to see if Mittens was okay… 

Her husband replied, "Shortly after you left Mittens keeled over and died…" 

She burst into tears, and even while crying uncontrollably she managed to ask her husband, "You know how much I loved Mittens, how could you be so blunt? Why couldn't you've broken the news gradually?"

After getting no response she continued, "Today, you could've told me Mittens was playing on the roof… Tomorrow, you could've told me Mittens fell off the roof and broke her leg… Then on the third day, you could've told me the poor thing passed away in her sleep… You could've been much more sensitive about the whole thing…"

Once she stopped crying and gathered herself she asked, "By the way, how's my mother doing?" 

All he said was, "She's playing on the roof…"                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

* Vindog has been repurposing jokes since 1968 (and riding motorcycles since 1972)