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71 Year Old Menace To Society Arrested By Denver Police For *Checks Notes* Using a Sharpie To Mark Some Lines on a Rec Center Basketball Court To Play Pickleball

Seth McConnell. Getty Images.

ABC Denver

A 71-year-old Denver man is facing a felony charge after city officials say he made a pickleball court without permission. With prosecution on the table, some believe the punishment doesn't fit the crime. 

Guney and others use a basketball court at Denver's Central Park Recreation Center for pickleball. Last Monday, the markings on the court had faded, so Guney re-marked them with a Sharpie.  Three days later, an arrest warrant for felony criminal mischief was issued for Guney. The court document also claims ten thousand dollars in damages.

Guney also received an email notifying him his Denver Parks and Recreation membership had been suspended indefinitely.

Those goddamn pickleballers, man. You know exactly who I'm talking about. They're the loose cannons seen walking along the streets like they own the fucking place. They're the real criminals you must stop if you wanna keep any kind of order in society. A 71 year old man equipped with a fully functional sharpie? Might as well have a gun in his hand. 

This Denver DA is clearly delivering a warning to the other pickleball gang members that the town won't get pushed over by these bullies. According to the article, the community calls this fella "the mayor of pickleball." Well, if you're the DA you have to send a message and what better way to do that than taking down the kingpin of a sport that mixes tennis, racquetball and ping-pong. Really got their man here.

The best part of this whole thing is the poor guy drew over markings that were fading away, hence people were already making markings to begin with. So what if he used a sharpie, it's a fucking rec center. They're treating this court like it's Madison Square Garden for christ's sake. The fact that they actually booked this guy in jail for a day is so funny and sad. Criminal mischief? Look at the size of the markings he was making! The DA looked at his work and thought 25 to life sounded fair. 

Under Denver law, criminal mischief of $10,000 in damages carries up three years in prison. Imagine this dude spends THREE YEARS in jail for just trying to play pickleball? Also $10k for fixing the floor is a preposterous estimate. I mean what are we doing here? Just have the community remove the marks (something they already said they'd happily do) and build the people their own pickleball court so they can have their fun. Either that or have the DA play this guy for his fate. 

P.S. I got into some morning pickleball last summer and it was a ton of fun. Pretty sure it was the first real sign I'm getting old (aside from hair loss), but I got a good workout in and felt like I did something active for a change. Give it a try.