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If You Like Dog Poop Music Festivals Then I’ve Got A Doozy For You

Yikes guys.

Aside from the headliners for this summer’s annual music fest in Chicago - Metallica, Dua Lipa, J. Cole, Green Day, Doja Cat, Machine Gun Kelly, Lil Baby and Kygo (we'll get to them in a minute) - there aren't a lot of household names on this bill.

Don't get me wrong, that's not the barometer for what makes a great festival lineup by any means. 

But it is what sells tickets and moves the needle.

Or, what should.

Lollapalooza has become an anomaly over the years. 

No matter who is on the bill, so long as the Perry's tent is stacked with noticeable DJ names, there's a couple of currently relevant hip hop acts, and a female pop act, the kids flock.

And boy do they flock.

What started as an alt-rock based festival at its genesis, frequented by adults young and old, has morphed into a high school graduation weekend on steroids. 


So as much as you and I sit here and bitch about this lineup and how we can't understand who it appeals to, Live Nation and C3 will be laughing all the way to the bank.

After all, Lollapalooza is coming back in full force this year, according to an announcement from the festival yesterday, with more than 170 performances slated for eight stages on the lakefront over the last weekend of July. 

As for the headliners, I feel like Metallica sticks out like a sore thumb on this bill. 

For fans' sake I am praying they put them and Green Day on the same day (even though I know there's no chance) so that we can bounce between stages on a single day ticket and not have to splurge for a 3 day or two singles if you want to catch both.

Considering general admission prices start at $350 (fucking unconscionable) that shit adds up quick.

Fans could be in for a special treat considering the band played their entire Black Album front to back at last years Louder Than Life festival.

I'm a huge J Cole fan, have been for a long time now, so seeing him get top billing like this is a really cool honor. And I know he will crush.

I'm also on the record as Dua Lipa's #1 fan. 

That said, how is she headlining a major festival stage at this point in her career? 

She's got like 45 min worth of material total. Not worthy of headlining performance material.

Doja Cat? Don't even get me fucking started.

Lil Baby? Get the fuck out of here.


Kygo? He's cool and can stay. 

Funny story- Kygo sold out the United Center a couple years ago. I was in such disbelief that he not only landed the United Center but that he supposedly sold it out that I had to go and see for myself. So I got tickets, took my fiance and a couple of our friends, and went. And I was blown the fuck away.

First off, he packed the house. Sure the crowd leaned to the younger side but it wasn't as bad as Lolla. Secondly, for an EDM concert, he absolutely crushed. He brought out all of his featured artists to perform their vocals live, the stage and production were awesome, and he brought a ton of energy to the show. Big fan.

So I think Kygo will put on a hell of a show.

And lastly, the real lightning rod as of late, MGK.

It's become fashionable to hate on MGK with a passion recently. You’ll find most rock fans doing this the hardest.

I spoke about this on our podcast. “On The Guest List” a few weeks ago.

For people upset that their favorite genre has faded, and taken a back seat to newer trash, wouldn’t they at least appreciate what MGK has done to breathe new life into it and attract a whole new generation of fans to the genre? They don’t need to enjoy his new album, or his Avril Lavigne features, but a rising tide raises all boats no?

(Full disclosure- I am a fan)

The real mind bender of this lineup is DJ D-Sol playing on Perry’s Stage…

For those of you unfamiliar, David Solomon is the CEO of a little mom and pop shop bank in New York called Goldman Sachs. Ever heard of it?

He also moonlights as a house dj.


As the saying goes, when you have all the money and connections in the world, the world is your oyster. Hardo’s will knock DJs all day because it’s cool, but it’s a strange coincidence that both David Solomon and Shaquille O’Neal have fallen in love with the craft and playing in front of audiences when they could literally do whatever their heart desires in this world.

Solomon’s stuff isn’t half bad either-

I’m actually looking forward to this set. Mr. Solomon sir, if you’re reading this, I’d love to do a Barstool Backstage episode with you. If you’re interested have your people contact my people

Other notable names on the list include Jane’s Addiction, Glass Animals, Billy Strings, Big Sean, The Kid Laroi, Jazmine Sullivan, Don Toliver, Charli XCX, Idles, Turnstile, Kaskade, Rezz, The Marías, Zhu, YG, Dominic Fike, King Princess, Wallows, Still Woozy, Girl in Red, Ashnikko, Denzel Curry, BLXST, Black Coffee, Duke Dumont, Polo & Pan, Liquid Stranger, CloZee, Willow, Royal Blood, Måneskin, Manchester Orchestra, Cordae, Local Natives, Tove Lo and Caroline Polachek.

Chicago artists include Kaskade, 100 gecs, John Summit, Beach Bunny, Horsegirl and Jackie Hayes. New acts include Remi Wolf, Fletcher, Zach Bryan, PinkPantheress, Muna, Goth Babe, Role Model, Wet Leg, Gracie Abrams, Pi’erre Bourne, Glaive and Maude Latour.

Kaskade will without a doubt put on one of the best shows of the weekend. He always does.

In all honesty, it sucks Lollapalooza is in the position they're in when it comes to talent.

20 years ago they were the name in the game when it came to music festivals. You had Warped Tour which was a roving band of bands playing city to city but Lollapalooza, originally starting out with the same format, pivoted and staked their flag in Chicago making it their home.

The result was the creme de la creme of musicians and bands. All genres.

Fast forward to today and every county in every state has their own "festival" with decent sized budgets to spend on acts that can draw.


The result? Tied up tour dates, radius clauses up the ass (a radius clause is a clause in a contract where an act isn't permitted to play within a certain mile radius for a certain set of days before and after scheduled date in order to avoid customers passing on your show to see them at somebody else's), burned out tour crews, or routing impossibilities. 

The result of that has meant Lollapalooza has progressively been left fighting for scraps every year instead of having first pick of the litter.

It's fucking bullshit.

If there’s anybody I’m missing or sleeping on that I need to see, please drop in comments below.

p.s. - fuck Coachella