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The Falcons Took All of an Hour to Replace Matt Ryan With Marcus Mariota

I laughed at my friend and colleague PFT Commenter a little more than a week ago when the news came down that Carson Wentz would be the starting quarterback for the Washington Commanders. Now, it appears Marcus Mariota could be the starter for the Atlanta Falcons.

These assholes couldn't have even given us two hours between trading the franchise quarterback since my childhood for a bag of footballs and signing Mariota to presumably be the starter? Allow me to process what is even happening before I have to regroup and begin talking myself into Marcus Mariota being good.

I'm already doing it, though. All we have to do is take Mariota's peak — 3,426 yards, 26 TD and 9 INT in 2016 — and make that his average and we're in business.

I see people on Twitter saying the plan is to tank for Bryce Young or CJ Stroud in 2023. I wish I trusted Mariota to be bad enough to tank. He's going to play just well enough to lead the Falcons to seven wins and pick 11th.

Whatever, man. This is just peak Falcons. We've gone from a franchise that's forgettable at best and embarrassing at worst with an MVP quarterback to the exact same franchise with a flamed-out, former No. 2 overall pick quarterback. We did it, everybody.