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Sister Jean is No Saint: MY COLUMN


(Orginaly published March 2018)

Sister Jean is no Saint.

There I said it. If your too sensitive to hear real truths maybe you'd be more comfortable laying in a isolation therapy chamber filled with baby oil watching lambchop reruns, but this is big boy internet and we're here to have a real dicussion.

The big story of the weekend was Sister Jean up at Loyola Chicago as she led her Ramblers to the Final Four verse Michigan in a matchup of Catholics vs. Probably Also Catholics. While she may seem like a sweet lady, the complicated part about Sister Jean is in her contrasts. Its great that shes incapable of committing a traveling violation but she also dosent stand for the anthem. You have to take the good with the bad, and in todays society thats so quick to hand out particpation trophys for not losing, Sister Jean has gotten a free pass. But just like the earth- once you start digging a little bit into her dirt you start to get a better sense for what shes truly all about- and what title she deserves to have on her mantle.

Sister Jean troubling fact number 1: She wears her hat like a thug. In her line of work, wearing your hat backwards is literaly a Bad Habit. She should know better. This is why the yalmulke is the King Arthur great equilizer of headgear its impossble to put it on backwards.

Sister Jean troubling fact number 2: She occasonally cable-knits like a show-off instead of crotching in modest circles. Theres another old lady who use to knit alot on the sidelines her name was Madame Defarge and she sat by while numerous small-busness owners were murdered in 18th century France.

Sister Jean troubling fact number 3: Shes a typical Booster who instead of providing players with cars and clothes gives them the biggest impermissble benefit of all- eternal life in heaven. She prays on these young men but we dont call her a predator just because shes old? Hypocrisy is stunning.

Sister Jean troubling fact number 4: By choosing to marry Jesus she is literaly putting every man on earth in the friend-zone. Messed up. She dosent even know me I bet you if she gave me a shot she might be into me guess shes too stuck up oh welll her loss I dont even want to date her anyways please just give me a shot.

Sister Jean troubling fact number 5: She beleves 4/5ths of the worlds population is going to spend eternty with there skin on fire being sodomized by demons and protestants.

Sister Jean said she's giving up losing for Lent, but the champonship game is on the day after Easter, so in other words she just guarenteed Loyola wont win the national title. The Hangover Sister Jean is going to have the day after drinking all that sacramental wine is going to give Loyola a bigger headache then they've ever given there opponets. And here's my confesson- in the final four Loyola is going to be Nun and done.

Fo any complaints or questons please email my editor Darren Rovel at SportsBizReporter@Gmail.com