Nobody In The NFL Is Better At Making Money Than Kirk Cousins

King Kirk!!!!

How can you feel anything besides elated for Kirk fucking Cousins? On paper his stats are great- he completes a high % of his passes, throws for 30 TDs every year, and keeps his INTs low. In reality he has made a career out of 4th quarter garbage yards, going 8-8 every year, and "aw shucks'ing" his way to Pro Bowls and new contracts year after year. 

But he also has the greatest agent and the best luck in the entire world. He somehow managed to get franchise tagged in back to back seasons while in Washington, which he then parlayed into a 3 year, fully guaranteed $84 million deal in Minnesota. And he won't stop, can't stop. He is going to be signing mega deals until the cows come home as long as he can sling the rock downfield. He is the perfect NFL QB in that sense. He's not in the elite tier a la Mahomes, Rodgers, Brady, etc. And he's not in that "how are they still in the league?" tier either. He is right there in the middle with Derek Carr and Matt Ryan. Guys you don't trust to win you a Super Bowl, but guys you would want under center instead of the Mike Glennons of the world.

So congrats to Kirk. He's going to retire in the top 5 all time career earners in the NFL. Seems like a nice enough guy, works hard, and all of that. He's just Kirk Cousins though. He should be a hero to all of us who are just so-so at our jobs but continue to cash paychecks.