Everything You Need To Know About The Potato Draft
Every week the Snake Draft graphic goes out and creates absolute chaos on social media. And every week I feel like the masses completely miss on the source material. So we're circling back here with about 7 hours left on the polls to give some open and honest commentary about the Potato Draft.
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On Potatoes...
(1) We drafted Potatoes because this week marks the beginning of March and it's a marginally thematic topic. Mix in Large McCarthy and his notoriously fancy food takes and it was a no brainer to put that big Irish bastard in a position to debate the merits of french fry shapes. There's something about bringing a guy with his palette down to our level that I very much enjoy. Decades into fine dining and he finds himself on the other end of a hotly contested hashbrown-patty debate. Maybe not for everyone but at least we didn't get into hot dogs.
(2) Sweet potatoes should have been vetoed but I very badly wanted cheese fries in the next pick and didn't want to risk WSD pivoting. So I passively supported Dave's pursuit of Yams. Big ones. The guy loves Yams. Nevertheless, they shouldn't have qualified because they're completely different. I used text-based interpretations to get Darth Vader as my Disney character one time so I understand this contrast. Admittedly it's just because I wanted cheese fries. In hindsight I would do the exact same thing because I love cheese fries.
(3) Speaking of which, if you're trying to get some 1-on-1 time with a girl, don't be afraid to invoke The Power Of The Cheese Fry. Situation is as follows: you're on a date or you meet some babe. It's a social setting and you want to pivot. But it's awkward because you're just getting to know each other and you don't want to be too aggressive but you still have to make some kind of move because that's how this stuff works. An underrated move here is to casually mention that you want to leave to get cheese fries. I know this sounds weird but I'm literally dying for cheese fries right now.
OMG I love cheese fries
Let's get out of here and go get some
That sounds so FUN
(4) Girls love having FUN.
Isn't this belt SO FUN
These baby blueberry muffins are SO FUN
These new wine glasses are seriously SO FUN I'm obsessed
(5) In that spirit, I would like to go on record that I had a lot of fun this week debating the merits of properly cooked potatoes. The strategy between the finger foods and the heavy hitters. Whether or not Garlic Mash stands alone (it certainly does in my house) or arguing about twice baked with someone who has never made a twice baked. Actually now that I think about it - that was kinda bullshit. Acting like twice baked is even close to a traditional baked is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. Often times being wrong and rendering an opinion are inversely correlated on this show. Take that for what it is.
(6) Cajun Waffle is downright absurd. Exhibit A:
(7) Tater tots are a clear pander. One of the most overrated things of all time and I say that knowing Tater Tots are very good. I repeat VERY GOOD. But are they good enough to cum your shorts when the server lists them as a side?
Regular, Sweet Potato, Side Salad, Fresh Fruit, Mac n Cheese & Tots
You always find out about the tots last. Like it's some big conspiracy that they gotta move the tots before the regular cut fries. I'm no veteran on the potato supply chain but something smells off on tots. You eat a good baked potato and your life is changed. You encounter a good tater tot and turns out you're just eating a regular tater tot. Act like you've been here before one time and that goes for everybody.
(8) Potato soup is for poor people.
(9) Red Ed has moved out of the dictatorship (due to external forces) and has settled firmly into an Oligarchy.
Congratulations to the select few that have been named to the council. Rumor has it Chelsea FC is for sale if any of you commie fucks have extra money to spend.
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