It's time I brought this very serious issue to everyone's attention. The dreaded Micro Mini skirt, specifically this skirt/set from Miu Miu from their Spring/Summer 2022 collection, is making its rounds with such a quickness, such force in a way that feels like a threat. It's EVERYWHERE. Every celeb is being photographed in it, from Hailey Bieber all the way to 54 year old NICOLE KIDMAN.
Let's start off by breaking down this "piece of clothing." Mega fashion brand Miu Miu is leading the charge on this, bringing back 60's inspired mini skirts and "Gen Z is eating it up." Of course they are. Of course teenagers are opting to wear less clothing and expose more leg and more midriff. Did I wear low rise mini skirts in high school? Absolutely. Abercrombie & Fitch ran the fucking streets when it came to mini skirts in 2005-2009. Did I try to wear them in college, but fail, because mini skirts like this never actually look good, and if they look "cute" it's only because 1. you are a little girl 2. you are young and therefore closer to looking like a little girl? Also yes.
Sure, all of these expertly posed photos and celebrity plugs make it seem like it's the new hot fashion. Quick, get yourself the flattest stomach of all time so you can stand with your back tensed, sucking in, but also hunched forward so its long enough in the front to cover your pussy! When you're thinking like that, you start to lose sight of the very necessary practical elements of clothing, like say…coverage. I'm all for "fashion over comfort" normally, but when you quite literally can't move without exposing 100% of your bottom half? You can't be in motion while wearing your clothes, without a faux paus? This isn't Jamaica! I'm out. Notice that none…and I mean, none… of the photos advertising these skirts show them from the back. I couldn't even find a picture from the actual Spring/Summer 2022 runway show of these skirts, from the back. It's a big mystery. Why? Luckily, I went through the website, to see a back view:
LOOK AT THAT! YOUR WHOLE ASS IS OUT IN THE BACK. ITS 3 INCHES OF FABRIC!
Trust me on this one. The only way to wear these skirts is if you 1. are 45 pounds and have no curves, shape or substance whatsoever, AND in addition, 2. you are only seen from the front, and you never move. Otherwise, you look like a stuffed sausage casing with a belt around it. It doesn't matter what your body looks like naked, I'm telling you, this skirt will make you look your worst. In addition, the fact it has NO BACK, what do you do? Wear pants under it? Wear boy shorts and have them hang out the back? Let 3/4ths of your ass cheeks and your ENTIRE vagina hang out with a thong? What if you need to go up a flight of stairs? Sit down on a chair? Sit on the subway? The bus? Be ANYWHERE public?
This is what you look like when you wear these skirts:
I'm really not kidding. They need to be stopped. Not because they're scandalous, but because they are ugly. Because they are unsanitary. Because they are weird and childish. Regular, slightly-higher-than-mid-thigh mini skirts? Still hot, still love them. But please, let's not venture so far into "small and cute" that we come out looking like jailbait on the bottom with wrinkles on the top.