The Tinder Swindler Sits Down With Inside Edition And Says That He Never Stole Anything From Anyone And It's All An Elaborate Lie

Inside Edition: Did you steal millions of dollars from women across the globe?

Simon: no

Inside Edition: Do you understand how offensive that is?

Inside Edition has gone soft. Dave got it so much worse than them 10 years ago and all he did was throw a popular music festival tour. This guy Simon...he might have the easiest life of all time. Bernie Madoff of getting laid, steals an estimated $10M from as many as 25 different women and does 5 months in jail before popping back up on the outside living, apparently, how he has always lived. Doesn't give a FUCK that there are pages and pages of text receipts, recorded phone calls, and a digital paper trail that says he committed MASSIVE fraud. Nope. Just a misunderstanding. Never presented himself as the heir to a billion dollar diamond future. He's a crypto bro and always has been. Nothing to see here. Thanks for the great journalism, Inside Edition. Way to clear that up. 

Advertisement

And with that...I declare Simon the winner of all of this. This literally did nothing but make his life better. Even the girls featured in the documentary who say they won are still in the hole thousands of dollars and he is dating a model after merely doing 5 months behind bars. Probably a nice white collar jail too. Piece of cake. Not a bad trade for the life he's been living. Sure, he's going STRAIGHT to hell and can't travel to numerous countries where they have a warrant out for his arrest, but for now....he's the champ. A lying, cheating, stealing, psychopath of a champion, but a champion nonetheless. Fucking Inside Edition basically cleared his name in two minutes. They couldn't even find Peter the body guard or the baby momma to get to the bottom of this. Nope. It was two minutes of "they're crazy, would I have this gorgeous girlfriend now if this were true? Checkmate". Simon diamond hands just holding on to that lie no matter what.