If You're Not Cooking Steak With Molten Lava Then You Might As Well Put Your Man Card Through The Shredder

What are you gonna do? Go turn on the stove top to a nice medium-hot heat like a little bitch? Get the cast iron skillet heated up, lightly season both sides of the steak with some salt, pepper, and a little bit of granulated garlic like a fucking beta? Cook the steak for a few minutes on each side and flipping occasionally to ensure an even cook to 115-120 degrees internal temperature like a pussy? Pull the steak off the cast iron, get it screaming hot and then putting it back on for a few moments on both sides to achieve a luxurious sear while taking it to the perfect medium-rare doneness, and finally let the steak rest with some compound butter to unlock premium deliciousness?

Do me a favor. Take the man card out of your wallet, toss it directly into the trash, and get someone to repeatedly kick you in the dick until it is rendered useless. Because if you're not cooking your steak with molten lava, then you're not a real man. Might as well just get you an easy bake oven. 

Hell yeah, brother. That's what a steak should look like. Completely burnt to shit so every bite tastes like a piece of rock hard charcoal. No need for any seasonings. You think they had salt and pepper when the cavemen were running shit? Think again, cowboy. And let's talk about that perfect doneness…

Not a speck of red in that bitch. Just wall-to-wall greyness. Exactly what you want out of a nice quarter-inch bone-in ribeye. Ultimate flavor. Like a beautiful chunk of leather. And you want some fancy shmancy steak knife to slice into it? I bet you sit down when you pee. Just grab your trusty Swiss Army knife and dig in. That's how a man eats his steak. 

Sidenote: You know there's going to be some pretentious ass restaurant that finds this and decides to charge people $2500 for a burnt to shit piece of lava seared wagyu. I hate it here sometimes.