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You Should Absolutely Use Notes When Giving Your Best Man Speech If You Don't Want To Be The Joke Of The Wedding

 

So PMT did an episode of their show where they give out life advice. Because who better to spit knowledge of the real world than fat bloggers and podcasters? (I'm kidding, we make jokes here, Jesus, they aren't that fat). 

It's a cool idea and you should definitely check out their podcast, maybe it'll catch on, who's to say. 

But one piece of advice is very bad. And maybe they were trying to fuck with Hank who is giving a best man speech soon, but I could not disagree with it more. Resident hardo/Troop I respect Captain Cons quote tweeted it onto my timeline and I was flabbergasted: 

 

 

"Def don't do notes for a wedding speech. EVER" is quite possibly the worst advice I have ever seen. I would have expected the advice to literally be the exact opposite. 

This is the correct advice:

"Have notes for your best man speech so you aren't the joke of the wedding. Nobody wants to be the person who stutters and stammers their way through their speech because they were too proud to jot it down. Plan your speech. Practice it in the mirror 15 times the day-of. Continually edit it until you think its perfect. And have it in your hand, very spaced out so it looks like notes, while you give it. That way when you lose your footing you can quickly find your mark and get back on track. Don't be the guy who says "ummmmm" 100 times during his speech. Don't be the guy who says "I love you bro" at every pause because you took 10 shots at the cocktail hour because you were nervous for your speech. Come prepared to knock it out of the park. Nobody will remember if you use notes during your speech. EVERYONE will talk shit about you FOREVER if you give a bad speech because you trip over your words and forget what you wanted to say. And you don't want to live with the regret of giving a horrible best man speech because the internet said you'd be a pussy for writing it down. Imagine anyone winging any important speech? It doesn't happen in reality, and you shouldn't do it either."

That is the correct advice. Giving a home run speech but glancing at a paper here and there is so much better than some faux pride about not holding a paper, or even worse, not even writing anything down because you feel you can do some heart-felt monologue off the top of your head. You'll end up like Claire Cleary "ummmm...they both like the color green...like Craig's eyes...and money." You'll hear crickets and I'll be the one in the back of your head saying "I told you so".

The worst possible advice? This nonsense:

 

 

Fucking yuckkkk dude. "If your best friend who you've known your whole life, who you have gone through hell and back with, asks you to be his best man but you aren't a great speaker, don't even bother showing up at all". What the fuck are you even talking about Cons???? Or I don't know, spend a week collecting your thoughts, develop a speech, and toast to the bride and groom on the most important day of their life that they entrusted you to give a toast at.

To conclude, let me be very clear, not a single person will care if you are holding a piece of paper NOT ONE. 

But EVERYONE will remember if you flub your speech. EVERYONE. And you can play it off, sure. But why risk giving a shitty speech when you can be sure to give a good one? Just don't read off a phone, that's tacky. Use the hotel's business center and print it off that morning.

To summarize:

 

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Salut, my friends.

 

Giphy Images.