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The Entire Skating World is Furious as Doped-Up Russian Blames Her Positive Test on Her Grandpa's Medicine

I don't know what else the Russians are doing around the globe, but I can promise you that whatever they're up to, it can't compare to the giant slap in the face they're giving the whole world over this Figure Skating scandal. It makes the Salt Lake City judge's collusion and the attack on Nancy Kerrigan look like child's play by comparison. 

When I was a kid I witnessed shams like East German women's team showing up looking like they played for the Monstars and Team USSR beat Team USA in basketball only after the refs put time back on the clock three times at the end of regulation. And still I've never seen anything that outraged the world the way the Russians getting Kamila Valieva reinstated after she tested positive for a banned heart medication. 

And as if that slap in the face wasn't bad enough, the people who forced a dangerous PED on an underaged minor decided to add a Three Stooges-like eye poke to make it even worse. In the form of this ridiculous excuse:

Source - Russian figure skater Kamila Valieva has argued that her positive drug test was caused by a mix-up with her grandfather's heart medication, an Olympic official said on Tuesday.

The 15-year-old's defence was revealed as Beijing braced for an unprecedented Olympic moment - the world's top figure skaters will compete in the evening's single competition with the likelihood they will not receive medals at the Winter Games.

Denis Oswald, the International Olympic Committee's permanent chair of the disciplinary commission, said Valieva claimed there was a mix-up at a Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS) hearing into whether she should be allowed to continue competing.

"Her argument was this contamination happened with a product her grandfather was taking," Oswald said.

Of course, the old "sucking back on grandpa's cough medicine" excuse:

It could happen to any athlete. Who among us hasn't reached into the medicine cabinet looking for a Tums and accidentally ingested Grampy's prescription drugs? What an amazing coincidence it just so happened to a 15-year-old on a team that can't compete under their own flag or be involved in any medal ceremonies because they have a pattern of their other athletes also accidentally testing positive over similar screwy mixups! Lucky for Team ROC the drug she mistakenly took just happens to also increase your blood flow and do quad jumps. It would've really set her performance back if she took Grampa Valieva's opioids or his boner meds. What a break, huh? 

Incredibly though, other formerly Olympic skaters aren't buying the Russians excuse. It seems that Figure Skating's It Couple, Tara Lipinski and Johnny Weir in particular. They've described how they knew enough to check with the authorities when they took so much as cold medicine, even when they were as young as 11. And they are spitting white hot fire that the IOC would allow this traveshamockery to go on: 

"I have to condemn this decision with every ounce of my soul," Weir says. "The Olympics HAS to be clean or it's not fair. If you won't play fair, you can't play." 

Hear hear. It cannot be said better than this. And before you say, "Sure, Jerry. You're just agreeing with Tara and Johnny because you stalked met them once." 

Well then, you're missing the larger point. Just because these two and I are super close doesn't mean my judgment is clouded. They and I might be the leading voices when it comes to what a sham this whole thing is. But we are by no means the only people invested in keeping sports clean who are outraged:

Source - The scandal’s conclusion provoked strong reactions from all over the sporting world. …

United States Olympic & Paralympic CEO Sarah Hirshland said in a statement that the committee is “disappointed” in the decision, and called out the Russians for what appears to be a repeat offense.

“Athletes have the right to know they are competing on a level playing field. Unfortunately, today that is being denied. This appears to be another chapter in the systematic and pervasive disregard for clean sport by Russia,” Hirshland said. …

United States Anti-Doping Agency (USADA) CEO Travis Tygart mirrored the sentiment, saying that “Russia has hijacked the competition and stolen the moment from clean athletes and the public."

Russia's blatant disregard, not only for the health and well-being of a gifted young athlete but for fairness and world opinion as well, is the worst thing that's happened to the Olympic movement in the past 80 years. And it's going to ruin the the Winter Games signature event. And perhaps do permanent damage to this great sport and all it's proud tradition. Now that Russia has gotten away with it, there's no reason to ever send someone on the ice who isn't a 'roided up 15-year-old, and then hide behind her age and crazy stories about grandpappy's drugs forever. Thanks for ruining everything, Putin. 

Giphy Images.