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The Song Of The Summer Is Here! It's Called "Ram Ranch" And It's A Porno-Metal Song About Gay Cowboys That's Been The Battle Cry Of Canadian Trucker Convoy Counter Protestors

Rolling Stone - In a recent chat on a Zello channel titled “Windsor Convoy 2,” a group of people supporting the trucker convoy — a Canadian protest against vaccine mandates and lockdowns — started an impromptu singalong for the national anthem, “O! Canada.” “Our home and native land,” one person sang off-key, followed by another, crooning just as poorly, “True patriot love with all our sons command [sic].”

Then comes a loud guitar riff. “EIGHTEEN NAKED COWBOYS IN THE SHOWERS AT RAM RANCH,” a voice screams. They’re removed from the chat before they can continue to the next lyrics: “BIG, HARD, THROBBING COCKS WANTING TO BE SUCKED.”

Welcome to the #RamRanchResistance, a loosely organized counter-movement to the trucker convoy. The lyrics played in the chat are from “Ram Ranch,” a 2012 porno-metal classic by Grant MacDonald that ascended to meme status thanks to lyrics like, “Eighteen naked cowboys wanting to be fucked/Cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch/On their knees wanting to suck cowboy cocks/Ram Ranch really rocks.”

You had me at “BIG, HARD, THROBBING COCKS WANTING TO BE SUCKED.”

First off, I don't care what your sexual preference is. There is no denying that "Ram Ranch" is objectively one of the best song titles of all time.

What's even better?

How about the fact that there are 541 versions of the song?

You read that correctly, five hundred and forty-one different versions of the song.

When reached by phone, MacDonald, a Toronto-based recording artist, says “Ram Ranch” was inspired in part by Rodin’s Thinker and in part by a Nashville radio station rejecting his LGBTQ-themed country songs. “It was to get back at the homophobia of Nashville. That was the whole foundation,” he says.

After it first went viral in 2016, someone on Discord requested he do a sequel. “At first, I was like, that’s like Pink Floyd putting out Dark Side of the Moon 2,” he says. “But I figured if George Lucas can put out Star Wars 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7, I can put out ‘Ram Ranch 2.'” In total, he has now written 541 versions of “Ram Ranch” (including one recorded in his condo just yesterday afternoon), as well as songs titled “Cum God” and “Prince Harry’s 12-Inch Cock.”

How exactly this song became the anthem to a counter-resistance movement is beyond me. Chalk it up to 2022 I guess?

Not everyone is thrilled with “Ram Ranch” being adopted as the inspiration for the movement, though. Gennie, who tracks French- and English-language Zello and Telegram channels and goes by the name Resistance Cat — and also asked that her last name be withheld for her safety — thinks the song is funny, but is uncomfortable with many of MacDonald’s songs about black men, such as “Love My Black Bros” and “Black Cock Gang.” (MacDonald refutes this, saying such songs have been “misconstrued”: “Love and dignity and respect is what my music stands for,” he says.)

Yet “Ram Ranch” has prevailed as a clarion call for resistance, though other vulgar sounds have been introduced into the chats as well. “The ranch guys are finally gone, but it’s about freaking time, I’d have shut that off,” one person is heard saying in a clip from a chat, immediately followed by a robotic voice saying, “Welcome to the cum zone, only cum inside anime girls, quivering clit, double-jointed pussy, fresh balls.”

Aggressive. 

I didn't think linking to "Ram Ranch" the single was enough to whet your appetite, so here's the whole album.

It's only on Spotify, so I'm not sure how that plays out with the people in support of taking down the Trucker Convoy protest and Joe Rogan at the same time, but I'll leave that to somebody smarter than me to figure out.

Chief and Eddie went in DEEP on this entire situation in today's Dog Walk. It's a great listen and hopefully they do another episode for next week now that things seriously escalated overnight