I have taken over Jordyn's Hinge profile.
We, as a Mean-Girl-Idiot-Ocracy, decided the best way to conquer the New York dating scene would be together. There are more single men in this city than the entire Midwest combined. Jordyn does the swiping, and I do the messaging. (Self-proclaimed Chief of Correspondence) (for a Hinge profile that isn't mine).
As COC of Hinge, I need these dates to be tolerable, but not fabulous. I want good stories. Good stories come from bad dates. That's why, when I am messaging these guys, I think to myself, "what's the catch?" If the catch is, he, say, lives at home. We have a winner.
Do you love animals and seem like a great guy? Next.
Could Jordyn love you because you're funny and extremely hot? Absolutely not happening.
Oh, you can carry on a conversation? I just threw up in my mouth.
I'm looking for the guy who dabbles with steroids. Or comments on Reddit threads. The kinda guy who is cute but peaked in college and has her pay for the date, but he had 90% of the drinks.
I need a red flag but not an in-your-face-red-flag. And, when I find that flag, I set up the date for Jordyn.
Thursdays are now dedicated to date nights. Tonight is "Clifford".
He chose a bar near her apartment which Jordyn found "thoughtful." Now she is texting that "he is so nice".
Clifford, down dog. Enough is enough.
I'll be at the bar beside Jordyn with a suit and mustache. If she decides to fall in love with this guy, I'll do something very nonchalant, like pour my drink on her head. We can't have that, and she promised to stay single for 365 days for the Mean Girl Pod. It's only been one week.
I'm hoping to secure this guy below for next Thursday. He won't stop talking about Worlde. Seriously he only talks about Wordle. Jordyn doesn't play, but I have been telling him I (she) started playing because of him (cute, right). When he brings that up on the date, it will blow up in everyone's face. (He might be
Lastly, Hinge is great but this is the last time I tweet "folded sheet = red flag". Respect.
If one of the guys sees this.. what's up baby, wanna take Jordyn out to dinner?