Rough N' Rowdy 18 | 48-Hour Replay Available With All PPV OrdersBUY NOW

Rate This Mother's Dick Ruler She Had Tattooed Onto Her Forearm So She Can Measure Penis Sizes Anytime Day Or Night

NY Post - This British woman believes size matters — and she’s got a new tattoo to prove it.

Tracy Kiss, 34, stunned family and friends after having a ruler tattoo inked down her forearm so she could accurately measure the length of her prospective partners’ penises.

The sex-minded mom — who has a 14-year-old daughter — told Jam Press that she’s looking for a well-endowed boyfriend, and her new body art is “a practical design and tool to enhance my life.”

The tattoo does not include any numbers, instead featuring “pretty dots” that are spaced an inch apart up Kiss’ arm.

“As it doesn’t have numbers, it’s actually rather discreet and allows me to innocently reach up to stroke a man’s stomach whilst taking a glance at my arm alongside it to count the inches,” the creative blonde exclaimed.

“It’s something people may not think about when shaking my hand and won’t look out of place in a nursing home when I’m 90 but will always put a smile on my face and twinkle in my eye,” she further enthused.

Kiss — who said she has a high libido and once had sex 11 times in a day — said knowing a partner’s size is important to her.

First off, I believe this lady is what Pat and the boys would refer to as a "size queen"? But I'm not positive.

The best part too, is she of course tells the oldest lie in the book to refute that-

“It’s not all about size, it’s what you do with it and how your partner makes you feel when building an intimate connection, but for those who enjoy finer details, it really is the cherry on the cake for me!”

Right lady. Size doesn't matter.

That's why you got a fucking yardstick tattooed on your forearm to measure pipe?

Look, lady, tell me you don't like my firm, tell me you don't like my idea, tell me you don't like my fuckin neck tie, but don't tell me size doesn't matter to you.

Also, let's address the elephant in the room shall we?

I'm pretty sure this is child abuse?

Kiss’ teenage daughter initially believed the tattoo was designed to measure bananas and cucumbers before she finally clocked what the erotic inking was actually for.

Ah yes, apologies. I forgot about the timeless tattoo tape measurer for measuring bananas and cucumbers at the supermarket.

Kiss says the tattoo has other practical uses and recently came in handy while helping her mom pick out a new garden pot.

“My mom remarked at how handy it was to have a tattoo that could be used as a ruler. I smiled at her and said, ‘What a coincidence!’ Her new pots look lovely,” she chuckled.

So for the record we're measuring fruits and vegetables, and pottery. 

But no dicks.

You know why?

Because nobody's dick is the size of your forearm. And if it is, then consider me an idiot, and best of luck to you ever walking again.

I think she could have just stuck with the dots on the back of her pinky finger running down her hand to where her wrist begins and been pretty good no?

I know females have smaller hands, but even if she goes a little past her wrist, that's still a good 10-12 inches. 

I just measured the tip of my pinky to my elbow and it's 19 inches. So maybe I'm incorrect in thinking she went too long? Maybe her whole thing is only 12 inches total? What would have been nice would have been some real journalism here NY Post in asking her the total length so we knew.

Tracy's not done either.

Kiss has more than 70 other tattoos, and may soon add an extra inking so that she can measure a man’s girth.

“I am rather tempted to add some dots from my thumb to my index finger to measure girth at the same time but I’m not sure if it would be too obvious what I’m doing,” she stated. “I guess it all depends on where somebody is looking when I whip it out to count!”

Ah yes, the girth. If we're being completely honest, that's what really separates the men from the boys. (From what I've heard)

If you asked 100 chicks would they rather have a redbull can or a tuna can 99 of them are going tuna can every time. It's science.