Mrs. Doss' 4th Grade Class Is Protesting The Tyrannical Removal Of Chocolate Milk From School Lunches

Shoulder-to-shoulder, step-by-step, students left class to rally out front of the school. There, they held their signs up and chanted.

All of this was to protest for the return of their beloved beverage: chocolate milk.

Well I hope the good folks over at Scholastic and McGraw-Hill textbook companies have some time on their hands this morning, because the history books need to be rewritten and updated as soon as possible. When you talk about the most famous activists and protests in world history, sure you need to mention Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr. with their Montgomery Bus Boycotts, and of course Ghandi with his Salt March, but Mrs. Doss' 4th grade class now deserves a spot on that Mount Rushmore. "What do we want? CHOCOLATE MILK! When do we want it? NOW!" will go down as perhaps the most iconic chant since the spoken word was invented. 

I'll say this: here is one protest that I wouldn't mind if it turned violent. And it should. Chocolate milk was the nectar of the Gods when we were in school. I don't care how gross and disgusting the school lunch may have been, at least you got to wash it down with the brown cow juice. And now some suit is pulling it from the shelves because it has too much sugar in it? First of all, is my brain not working correctly or was chocolate milk not deemed healthy like 5 years ago? I thought it was the perfect recovery drink for kids? And second of all, the school lunch police is the most hypocritical bunch of them all. Chocolate milk has too much sugar, but French fries count as a vegetable? Give me a break.


Not only do we need to rewrite the history textbooks, we need to rewrite a little document called the Constitution. Amendment #28: The Right To Eat/Drink Whatever You Want. I just don't understand how we are going to regulate what type of milk kids are allowed to buy from the school, but kids that pack lunch can literally bring whatever they want. There was a time where lunch packers were lame, but now I think only suckers buy. 

I'm on record as saying that there's nothing in this world that would get me to protest between the months of December and February, but I stand in front of you today a humbled man. I was wrong. 10 year old Tate would be out there marching on the front lines with his brothers and sisters until our voices were heard. And alas, it appears that their words have not fallen on deaf ears:

Juan Cordon, director of the school district's nutrition department, heard the kids and explained that the decision to remove the chocolate milk was because of its sugar content. However, the two parties were able to strike up a deal.

The school will now provide chocolate milk one day every other week.

ONCE EVERY TWO WEEKS?? I'm trying not to overreact here but Juan Cordon should be locked away in a federal prison. I see no difference between this guy, Brittany Spears' Dad, and Michael Jackson...they all take advantage of kids. This is the worst bargaining deal in the history of bargaining deals. The MLBPA would've turned this down within 2 seconds if the owners offered this type of negotiation. If I'm the kids, I take that deal and flush it down the school toilet. And clog it on purpose too. Make these administrators clean up the mess they have created.

But I guess people are these days really have gotten soft...

"For now, this is a really good start," Markowski said in response to the agreement.

Listen buddy, you've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything. One day of chocolate milk every two weeks? I'd sit my ass Indian Style in the middle of the cafeteria until they carried me away. These kids don't realize how much power they have right now. What are they going to do, give them all detentions? Suspend the whole school? Let me fill you all in on a little secret: you can't have school without kids. Nah, don't give in to this disrespectful plea deal. Make them bring back the chocolate milk….and make them pay for it, too!