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Is Max Rebo Actually A Sus Ass Snitch That'll Do Anything To Save His Own Ass, Even If It Means Innocent People Will Die?

Giphy Images.


Look, I hate to throw around these type of wild accusations since Max Rebo is such a lovable character and I have a hard time beefing with anybody named Max. Maybe that's because my beloved Uncle Stevie just threw the bag at Max Scherzer, which means I can watch him play for my team the next few years. But despite all that, you CANNOT tell me that Max Rebo just happened to survive two of massive bloodbaths because he is one lucky elephant.

To be honest, I still cannot believe Max survived the slaughter on Jabba's barge considering it looked like there were no survivors as Luke & Co. blew it up on their way to saving Han. The only way that is remotely possible in my mind is if Max is the reason Lando was able to infiltrate Jabba's palace in Jedi and in exchange they promised the band wouldn't get hurt once Jabba came tumbling down. To be clear, I had no problem with Jabba getting got because that fucker had to go.

However, Max just so happening to have a night off when Garsa Fwip's bar got blown the fuck up cannot be a coincidence either. What bandleader just turns down a gig in dusty ass Tattooine where the credits are hard to come by unless you are smuggling spice for the Pykes? Max somehow being around both of these horrific events yet somehow surviving them has me extreeeeemely suspect of him. And unlike Jabba who was a legitimate scumbag that deserved to die, Ms. Fwip was as fair a person as you’d find on that wasteland planet known as Tattooine.

Posthumous bonk

Anyway I just want to let Max Rebo, if that is his real name, to know that I am on to him. Just because he is cute as a button, can tickle the ivories like nobody's business, and can tickle your insides with that big ol' trunk doesn't mean he isn't sus as a motherfucker. Once is an accident. Twice is a coincidence. Three times is a pattern. Which means we are one mass murder away from a pattern of dead bodies left in Maximus Rebo’s wake, which means permanent inclusion on the Sus list until further notice.

Also while I'm here, Luke is an absolute asshole for making Baby Yo choose between his adopted dad's mini armor and his adopted mom dad's lightsaber, which is soooooooo much cooler than fucking armor, Beskar or not. Like I said on this week's My Mom's Basement, it's like asking a kid to choose between a new sweater for Christmas or a PS5 (Baby Yo will almost definitely choose the sweater but that's because he's built different 😤😤😤).

Speaking of My Mom's Basement, you can watch this week's episode in the YouTube video below or on your favorite podcasting site/app here.