Cleveland is used to being the butt of the joke. Mistake on the lake. River on fire. Hell, every chance professional athletes get they kick dirt on our name.
We’re used to it. These types of things barely even get to us anymore. You develop some thick skin after a while. We keep our head down and root for our teams no matter how many times they kick us square in the nuts while the world points and laughs.
But I’ll be damned if I am going to sit idly by while a
former Heisman winner pop culture footnote gets his jollies off by pissing on our fair city.
During the Chiefs and Bengals game, Johnny Manziel took to Twitter to lament the fact that Eric Bienemy still isn’t an NFL head coach. Fair gripe to be sure. But that led to this exchange.
What the fuck?!
Here we are, minding our own business, dreading the next decade of torture in the AFC North under Joe Burrow’s reign, and Manziel clips us with a stray just like that? This is like seeing a guy walking down the street in the pouring rain and swerving over to splash him with a puddle. Our situation already sucks, we don’t need your help.
Manziel then proceeded to change his Twitter bio just to make sure he was getting his point across clearly.
I do have to say that waging war with a major metropolitan city while your bio is “good vibes only” and your pinned tweet is about life being more pure when you show love is pretty hilarious.
But Manziel didn’t stop there. He proceeded to shit on Cleveland throughout the evening while mixing it up with fans and media members.
Look, we get it. You’re rich. Manziel is a lot of things: A waste of talent. One of the biggest busts in NFL history. But the one thing he definitely isn’t is broke and he can thank old Jimmy Haslam (and his grandpas oil money) for that.
Even if I was rich like him, I'd probably be #madonline too if my ex-wife threw a banger party because she divorced my ass and then like 60 days later she was knocked up by that human Pez dispenser Nick Cannon.
That’s almost as fast as Manziel’s career in the CFL flamed out. By the way, her new baby daddy has more kids (8) than you had touchdowns (5) playing football in America’s hat. Tough scene, Johnny boy.
Listen, it’s currently 14 degrees and we’re buried under two feet of snow. We don’t need Billy Manziel piling on when we’re already freezing our asses off and have crippling seasonal depression. Have a little sympathy.
Whatever you’re doing in Scottsdale is better than whatever we’re doing in Cleveland so how about being the bigger man for once. Unlike your NFL career you don’t need to grow four inches to see over your line, you just have to not hit send on that next tweet.