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Alcoholic Baja Blast Is Coming to Change the Course of History

CNN — Mountain Dew's Baja Blast, the beloved tropical lime-flavored beverage that originated at Taco Bell, is being made boozy.

Boston Beer Company, which partnered with Pepsi to make a spiked seltzer version of the soft drink, exclusively told CNN Business that it's surprising fans with a new "HARD MTN DEW" flavor that wasn't part of its original announcement.

Baja Blast is the fourth flavor to the spiked seltzer lineup, joining original, watermelon and black cherry."HARD MTN DEW" will be released in late February in a limited number of states.

There are certain inventions which have fundamentally altered the course of history and civilization as we know it. The wheel. The cotton gin. The internet.

Alcoholic Baja Blast.

I don't drink very much or very often, maybe once every two weeks or so. But I am ready and more than willing to absolutely destroy my liver for Hard Baja Blast. I will become an alcoholic solely because of this beverage.

In a time of supposedly unprecedented and irreconcilable division in this country, I believe this is something that can bring everyone together. Maybe all we needed this whole time was to add 5% alcohol by volume to a universally beloved soda. Y'all enjoy continuing to drink your IPAs that you pretend don't taste like someone took a shit in a vat of hot dog water so you can look cool. I, for one, will be enjoying the drink I've been waiting for all my life.