Maybe I'm just a simple, superficial guy who lacks depth. Perhaps underneath my surface, I'm filled with just more surface. But when I first saw this post by Gisele, the underlying message of it was, "Here are a few bromides you can find on every hot woman's Instagram. Now please acknowledge how amazing I look at 41 after having two kids."
But where I see only platitudes and a world class MILF keeping it tight with about a 0.5% BMI, others see the first hints of her husband's immediate future plans:
The Sun - TOM Brady's wife may have dropped a major hint that the superstar quarterback will retire after posting a heartfelt video about enjoying things for the final time. ...
The supermodel is seen bathing near a waterfall, dancing with boxing gloves on, meditating with her daughter in front of a sunset, playing the guitar, and jumping around on a trampoline with her son and daughter.
One of the final flicks showed Brady and his three kids, Jack, Benjamin, and Vivan, horseback riding in what appeared to be a forest.
Gisele added the following captions to the video collage: "Life is precious because you cannot watch it again. This is what makes life so magical. One day you will eat your less [SIC] meal. Smell your last flower. Hug a friend for the last time. Without knowing this will be the last time.
"That's why you need to do everything you love with passion. Enjoy all the years you have left. Because this is the only thing that exists."
For the better part of about six or eight years, Patriots fans would talk about how Brady's career is going to end. I've given no less than 100 talks and interviews while promoting my books (cha-CHING!) before he left New England, and believe I got asked that question every single time. I guess I never thought that when he did announce he was hanging up the helmet for the last time, he'd start by having his wife post the kinds of quotes you can buy painted onto wooden boxes for $12.99 at Home Goods.
But then again, it is kind of on-brand for this power couple. Rightly or wrongly, the general consensus has long been that Gisele wants him to retire. And he keeps playing over her objections. If true, it would follow logically that she'd be more interested in paving the road for a formal announcement, since she's been willing it to happen for years.
Regardless though, the best part for Patriots fans like me, and me in particular, is that it's not our issue. Congratulations, Tampa Bay. It's all yours. Have fun spending the next few days, weeks, maybe months, pouring over cryptic social media posts like Robert Langdon trying to crack the code. Have a blast reading Brady's body language every time he goes to a basketball game with a teammate, struggling to decipher the non-verbal clues he's putting out. Knowing that what's going on behind those dreamy, soulful, heaven-blue eyes is going to determine your franchise's fate for a generation. That if he returns, you're looking at at least one home playoff game. And if he's had enough, you're having conversations about whether Ryan Fitzpatrick is a viable stopgap option and asking if maybe Marcus Mariota could be something in the right system.
It's no way to live, believe me. That was my existence from about the day the Pats drafted Jimmy Garoppolo until March 17th, 2020 at 8:30 a.m. Known around Stately Thornton Manor as The End of Days. The worst Irish Christmas ever. But we've all moved on. And now it falls to you to interpret Gisele's Reels and rap lyrics in Gronk's Tweets, and let's not forget Brady's manipulative Super Bowl ads:
… to figure out a mystery that could've been solved at a postgame press conference.
At least we've got our quarterback situation resolved for the next 20 years. Now it's your turn to be tortured with this stuff. Better you than us.