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Lighten the Fuck Up! She Said Her Husband Left Her Because She was Too Kinky...

Giphy Images.

A man and a woman were sitting next to each other at a bar one night, drinking their troubles away. After having a few drinks, the man turned to the woman and asked, "What's the matter? You seem really down…" 

The woman responded, "Well if you have to know the truth, my husband just left me this morning…"

The man looked surprised as the woman was a very attractive redhead with a killer body and so he had to ask, "You're gorgeous, why would he leave you?"

The woman gathered herself, wiped the tears from her eyes, and then replied, "He said I was too kinky for him…"

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Immediately the man's eyes lit up and he tried to make her feel better by telling her that his wife had recently left him too. "My wife… actually left me for the same reason… She said I was too kinky and she was sick and tired of having to deal with my strange and enormous sexual appetite… "  

The woman moved closer to him and whispered in his ear, "Let's get out of here and head over to my apartment and have some kinky sex. I need it badly…"

They left the bar in a hurry and when they got to her place the two of them walked straight into the bedroom where the woman told him to take a seat on the bed while she got ready in the next room… 

The woman proceeded to put on a black leather corset, fishnet stockings, stiletto heels, and then she dabbed some French perfume in the right places and put on some hot red lipstick. Before she left the room she equipped herself with a whip, handcuffs, a blindfold, and a ball gag… 

The woman was ready to show him a good time but when she reentered the bedroom the man already had his coat on and was about to walk out the door…

The woman couldn't believe her eyes, she thought this guy was up for some kinky sex. She was very deliberate when she asked, "What's the matter, did you get cold feet or something?"

The man replied matter-of-factly, "Geez, what took you so long? While I was waiting I fucked your poodle and then shit in your purse, I'm done here…"                                                                                                                                                                                         

* Vindog has been repurposing jokes since 1968

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