We Don't Talk Enough About How Insane It Is That Parrots Speak English

-I think it’s crazy that people debate if it’s harder to move from a rural area to a big city or from a big city to a rural area. It’s infinitely easier to move from the countryside to the city. You just get more things. There’s nothing hard about that. I hate hearing people complain “Oh God it’s so hard being a country girl/boy living in the big city! Such a hard adjustment!” Really? What’s so hard about that? What’s so hard about having just way more things being way more accessible and way more fun? Oh you don’t have to drive an hour to go get a gallon of milk? You can go to a bar where there’s people to have fun with? You can have literally any meal you want right at your door whenever you want it? Living in a big city is the easiest, most convenient thing a person can do. 


-I wish it was less rude to be the official appetizer splitter when you’re at a restaurant with a group. Say you’re with a group of 3 other people (4 total) and you get 12 wings and 8 mozzarella sticks. It’s obvious that everyone gets 3 wings and 2 mozzarella sticks. People kind of know that mentally, but everyone’s afraid to say out loud “Hey we all get this amount” like it’s rude or not proper social etiquette, even though that would just make things easy and fair for everyone. I usually do it anyway. 

-If someone ever buys something for me or lends me money, I would much rather just pay them back on the spot instead of them saying like “Oh just buy me a ___ instead” and sometimes that repayment is more than what they originally lent me. For example, the other day I went to get a bagel with my friend and I needed him to lend me 5 dollars cash. And I said I’d Venmo him back but he said “Don’t worry about it, just buy me a drink at the bar later.” A drink at the bar???? In Manhattan??? In New York City???? That's about $11 at a minimum. Overpriced drinks, tax, tip, etc. Then all of a sudden he's turning a massive profit on me. No. Let’s just square up on the spot and that’s that. 

-I feel like as a society, we kind of gloss over just how fucking insane it is that parrots talk. Parrots speak English. They repeat what we say. You can teach them words. They sing! They understand what we’re saying and communicate back in our own language. And we just put them in cages and say “Ah so funny this parrot can repeat what I say.” Or "Haha look at this funny YouTube video of a parrot talking." That’s a scientific marvel! We have an animal that speaks English and nobody really gives a fuck. 

-Whenever I ask for more of something at a restaurant, I always feel a lot of pressure to use it all so the waiter doesn’t think it’s a waste. More napkins? I’m using every single one. More syrup? My pancakes are getting drowned. Coffee refill? I’m not leaving until there’s not a drop left. I will inconvenience and borderline torture myself just so the waiter thinks my ask was justified. 

-I hate when people say things like “well you know the truth in your heart” or “At least you know THAT you're right.” That’s not NEARLY enough for me. I know that I’m right. But I also need others to know that I’m right, and that they are in turn wrong if they disagree with me. 

Thank you for your time.