A Mic’d Up Jordan Poyer Single-Handedly Beat the Patriots With a Profane Rant Before the Game Even Started
To paraphrase The Evening News' Wes Mantooth, I hate you, Jordan Poyer. From deep down in my stomach, with every inch of me, I pure, straight hate you. But goddammit, do I respect you.
Holy moly, this is tough to watch. But it's important that everyone associated with the Patriots do exactly that. To stare into the wolf's eyes as he stares into yours.
Credit where it's due to Poyer, there are enough bangers here to fill a whole season of the WWE.
"This shit isn't promised tomorrow!"
"What the fuck are you going to do with your opportunity today?"
"We gotta hit these [fuckers, maybe? The audio cuts out] in the mouth!"
"You see how cocky these [I'm going with fuckers] are?"
"Man, fuck them man!"
"I'm tired of these [fucks/shits]!"
"It's the end of an era for them tonight!"
"It's the end of a fucking era!" Let's GO!"
"We hit! We strap! We talk shit! Let's GO!"
Just one profanity after another. Not since the late, great, Bob Saget has anyone delivered a steady string of filthy one-liners that landed so perfectly. And I'm sorry to say he backed it up. And so did his entire roster. I mean, let's not lose sight of that fact. He talked all this TV-MA, Not Suitable for NFL Films content, and they delivered. Just look at this, from later in the clip:
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That No. 13 getting his ankles snapped like pretzel sticks, in case you were wondering, was Patriots defensive back De'Vante Bausby, who played in exactly zero games all season. And took three snaps in this one, before he ended up as half of a future GIF for all eternity.
So you've got two choices. Either forget this ever happened, and that Poyer didn't leave you with your gym shorts down around your ankles, leaving the entire country pointing and laughing in your face, or you can memorize it. Lean into it. Absorb it into the fiber of your being. Remember that it worked for Buffalo this time, and they'll be saying the same thing again next season. Twice. The Patriots you grew up on and I remember like it was yesterday had a genius for turning the tiniest, most inconsequential slight into a grave insult. This was a straight up lack of respect that ended up being totally warranted. And there should never be a repeat of it.
Dammit, Jordan Poyer. That was beautiful. But Bill Belichick will see it avenged. The way he did that 31-0 loss at Buffalo in the Lawyer Milloy game back in 2003. He has to, if my world is ever going to make sense again.