Have you ever heard of it?... Blue Monday?
First off, it was a hugely popular club song by the electronic dance band New Order back in 1983…
Stu Feiner and I used to dance to this banger at a club called Danceteria while we were both coked out of our minds... Just hearing the first few notes made me almost shit my pants.
But that is not the Blue Monday I am referring to here.
This Blue Monday… Today… Is the third Monday of every January and it is known as the most depressing day of the year.
How did the people who made up this bullshit holiday come up with it?… Math, I guess.
A group of UK behavioral scientists created a formula that took into consideration a number of variables, such as weather conditions, debt level (the difference between debt accumulated and ability to pay), time since Christmas, time since New Year’s resolutions have been broken, and overall low motivational levels.
You jam all those things into a convoluted formula jotted onto a giant greaseboard like in Good Will Hunting and somehow the third Monday in January pops out.
Using those same parameters, “Yellow Day” typically occurs in late June.
Now you may ask, "What about the fact today is a holiday for students and so many businesses in the United States?… Doesn’t that increase the happiness factor?"
I suppose it does.
But again, this whole thing was developed in the UK where people (respectfully) don’t give a fuck about Dr. King. And perhaps those Brits also felt there are so many racist people in America that have anger about this holiday… Particularly down South… That their deep-seated Southern racist anger evens out the scales versus those who are thrilled with the day off.
I AM KIDDING ABOUT THE SOUTH… THERE IS NO RACISM DOWN THERE… IT WAS A TERRIBLE ATTEMPT AT A JOKE REFERENCING THE ENGLISH BELIEVING THE SOUTH IS STILL MIRED IN A LESS RACIALLY TOLERANT TIME LONG GONE BY.
And you may also ask, "Do you think those English researchers also factored in that today is James Earl Jones' 91st birthday, and nobody can be depressed when they see this GIF of his bangs from Conan the Barbarian?"
I suppose they didn't consider that, but I agree that they should've.
Regardless of the inconsistencies in the science… If you’re feeling a little extra down today, just know that it’s not your fault. Once again, it’s just math.
So buckle-the-fuck down, keep your chin up, and let’s get through this shit together.
Maybe take a dip in the pool…
Perhaps play some pool…
Or maybe play with some toys…
Give yourself a good scratchin'…
Or simply finish eying through a blog which I think we've all figured out by now was just an excuse to get 8 random GIFs (including James and the thumbnail) off of my hard drive…
And take a report.