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As A Kid, Being Fast Was The Most Important Quality A Person Could Have

-I think that it’s dumb that Catholic schools don’t teach evolution, and the reason is that the concept of evolution should just make people believe in God even more. I watched one evolution documentary recently, and I came out of it thinking “Well, there’s just no way any of that shit is real.” And I’m not even really religious. But I mean just think about the unlikelihood of a single speck of dust appearing out of nowhere and then exploding to create everything that’s ever happened. And then it creates a planet where some of it comes together to form like a piece of bacteria that then becomes a fish that becomes a squirrel that becomes a monkey that then becomes a human. No chance. I think the idea of a supreme being is actually more realistic than that. It requires a bigger leap of faith to believe in evolution than to believe in God. I finished that documentary and I hung a cross in my room. I went to church. I started reading the Bible. Who knew all along that JC and the boys were the most realistic story for our existence? 

-I don’t think anything has a bigger drop off in significance from childhood to adulthood than being fast does. When you’re a kid, being fast is pretty much the most important quality a person can have. You know who all the fast kids are. They’d race each other. Speed was the most valuable currency we had in elementary school. But when you’re an adult, who isn’t a professional athlete, being fast might have truly zero value in society. Imagine asking another grown adult if they want to race you? Unless you’re getting chased by a murderer, adulthood requires zero running. 

-You know how Apple sends out those emergency alerts everyone gets and our phones all beep like crazy? They should do that any day it’s raining out so we remember to bring an umbrella. So often I’ll forget to check if it’s raining, I don’t bring an umbrella, and then I get poured on walking to work. That would be a very practical use of the emergency alert system. Because let’s be honest, the amber alerts? I’d love to help, don’t get me wrong. I wish zero kids were missing. But the odds of me finding a missing kid 3 states away are extremely, extremely low. But the odds of me being less wet with a rain alert? 100%.

-I don’t like how dark mode phone people act like the rest of us are the weirdos? I keep it on the normal mode, and I don’t have a problem with the dark mode but I hate when they act like “Ohhhh you don’t have your phone on dark mode??? You’re so weird! You’re the worst! I am better than you because my phone background is darker than yours.” We just keep it as the default setting! Don’t act like we’re the ones who are weird for not going out of our way to change it. 

-I ordered Chick-Fil-A yesterday. A chicken tenders meal with fries, a cherry coke, and multiple dipping sauces. It came with none of the sauces! So I complained to Uber Eats and they offered me a $5 refund on a $20 meal! That should be a full refund. That didn’t ruin a quarter of the meal. That ruined the whole entire meal. I had dry tenders and fries with nothing to dip them in. I know it’s only 15 bucks but it’s not about the money, it’s about the principle! We can’t let them get away with shit like this. If you stand for nothing, you’ll fall for anything. 

-It’s weird how undercover cops go through so much to make sure their operation isn’t blown up and people don’t realize they’re actually the police. Like they make very elaborate, detailed plans of how to stay undercover and incognito. But then they forget one very important last piece of the puzzle which is that they all just drive the same exact car. The fact that we can so often look at a black Lincoln or black Escalade and be like “Oh that’s an undercover cop!” means maybe they should go back to the drawing board and work on that part of the plan. Mix in a Buick Enclave or something. 

Thank you for your time.