The Channel 5 Phish Concert Video is a Proof That Hippies are Kinda Terrifying

Channel 5 just dropped their latest work and as usual it scared the living shit out of me. But this time it was a different kind of fear. Usually, Andrew's videos leave me with a fear for society as a whole. This one however, left me with a feeling of very personal fear. This may come as a surprise to you but hippies are my greatest phobia. My whole life I have had a shivering fear jam band festivals and this video was literally my worst nightmare. 

I suppose the root of this fear is the fact that everyone at these events look like they are off duty clowns. Except instead of just walking around minding their own business they are sucking on balloons, not blinking, and trying to sell you a dream catcher.

Now as the beat reporter for Channel 5 it is my duty to report on another reporter, and to document what's already been documented. That's the cross I bare. And to be honest I was't terrified this whole video. The moment where the vintage porn merchant ran into the pin merchant and the two of them had a healthy discourse on what kind of porn they liked, I enjoyed that. To me, that's a healthy exchange in the marketplace of ideas. 

But that brief moment of bliss was immediately obliterated by the Nitrous Mafia. 

Overall, this was the most fear I've felt watching a Channel 5 video. The girl eating the microphone and calling for a mysterious 5 minute countdown did more damage to me than when I watched The Texas Chainsaw Massacre solo at 13. 

Shoutout the dude in the Feminist AF shirt who wants to be a monk. That dude rocked. (I think)