Excuse Me, But What The Fuck Is This Nonsense?

CARL DE SOUZA. Getty Images.

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[IGN] - According to an industry analyst, Mario Kart 9 is currently in "active development", will have a new racing twist, and could be teased this year.

What's more, Toto also stated that Mario Kart 9 may launch with a "new twist". New Mario Kart games regularly include twists on the karting formula, from Double Dash's two-character karts, to Mario Kart 8's anti-gravity sections.

While the analyst refrained from adding further, that hasn't stopped fans on social media from speculating as to what the twist might be. From theories suggesting that the next installment could bring in a range of stars from other franchises to others routing for an F1-centric take to the popular series, the community has done a good job so far at offering up its suggestions toward a potential upcoming reveal.

Yes, this is very much me yelling at clouds but as a father in my mid-30s I am allowed to do so according to society. Mario Kart 9? What the fuck? Let's get one thing clear here. We didn't need another Mario Kart after Nintendo 64. Didn't get a chance to play it during the glory years? That sucks you were born too late. Want to play it now? Find a pal who still has a Nintendo 64 and fire it up. It was the peak of childhood and peak of gaming as far as I'm concerned. I'm sure MRags will have some sort of debate about Halo or something like that. Nope. This is it. Mario Kart 64. 

Look at these words that don't even make sense in the description. Anti-gravity? You mean when you catch the ramp in Wario Stadium? That's the only anti-gravity that I'll ever acknowledge in this game. There was very few more satisfying feelings than laying the perfect banana, hitting the perfect red shell or shrinking everyone mid-jump and costing them a chance to win. It's what made the game, the game. There was strategy but it was mostly racing (and drinking beers). 

Hey, I still play video games. I understand the new Madden's and FIFA's and NBA2k's … you know, the games I play. Basically it's all the same just with updated rosters. You know what doesn't need an updated roster? Mario Kart. It had the right 8 racers. It had the correct courses. There was nothing that ever needed changed from Mario Kart 64. 

My power rankings of the 8 characters: 

1. Yoshi

2. Toad

3. DK

4. Peach

5. Bowser

6. Wario

7. Luigi

8. Mario

Two things were a guarantee for me. I'd use Yoshii and I'd use the purple see-thru N64 controller. Everyone who was an N64 guy or gal had a controller. There was grey, black, see-thru, etc. You knew which one was yours. It was a respect factor too. Younger brothers and friends alike wouldn't dare pick up your controller. 

We say it with movies and TV shows. Some things don't need a reboot or made in this day. Mario Kart is the one game that should be left alone. Let us have our childhood. Let us reminisce over Nintendo 64. I will not recognize Mario Kart 9 - or anything after 64. 

This concludes my yelling at a cloud.