Dirk Nowitzki's Statue Looks Like He's Hoisting Anal Beads Over His Head


Last night the Mavs retired Dirk Nowitzki's number in a lovely ceremony. People laughed, people cried, and oh my god, what is that????? ENHANCE PLEASE!


Tom Pennington. Getty Images.


What in the name of Sam Hill is going on here?!



No. No, no, no. That is NOT how statues work, whatsoever. I've never seen something so simple get screwed up by overthinking (I mean besides every minor detail of my life, but that's neither here nor there). Why does he need 3 balls that look like anal beads? The one ball in his hands doing his patented shot would be perfect. But then they added two more? Why Sway? Why?

In a sick way I kinda sorta dig the absurdity of it. Nobody would ever think to put 3 connected basketballs on a statue. It makes no sense. It looks ridiculous. It's like this, tiny trajectory of a shot, as if we didn't know what happens next. Amazing.


PS: I wonder if I can get my hands on the model one that Cuban presented, I bet your mom would love it heyoooo.