I Hate Feeling Like A Doctor Didn't Check Me Enough For All Possible Diseases

-Sometimes when I go to the doctor, I leave feeling like I wasn’t properly checked. I want an extremely thorough check up. I want to feel like I’m going through TSA and they found a possible bomb in my bag. I want no stone unturned. Like I got a full body check at the dermatologist last week, and at the end of it, I almost said “Hey let’s run that shit back one more time.” Like taking a test in school, double check your work please. In other news, I am a massive hypochondriac. 

-Whenever I’m in an Uber alone, I think it’s really awkward to ask the driver to hook my music up to the aux cord. It’s fine to do if you’re with a group of people and you’re heading to the bar trying to get pumped up or something, but if it’s just you and the driver, I’m afraid my driver will judge my music choices. It feels like it’s just a one person concert that I’m awkwardly DJing for him. So I’d much rather just sit uncomfortable in silence.  

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-There are certain food items that have to be specified on a menu if they come with a meal. And mushrooms are for sure one of those items. I don’t hate mushrooms, but I don’t like them. I’d like to know if they’re going to be included. A few months ago I ordered a chicken pot pie that came with mushrooms in it and that was never specified on the menu. Who the fuck assumes mushrooms are going to be in a pot pie? Then I got a meatloaf the other day that came with mushrooms covering the whole thing. Why would I assume that was going to be the case? Look, if you want to add any item to a meal that it doesn’t traditionally come with, that’s fine. I’m all for trying new things. But just make sure people know to expect it please. 

-It’s very stupid that some places will charge you more money for getting a drink “on the rocks.” It’s ice. It’s frozen water. Water is free. And adding ice actually means there’s gonna be less alcohol, the water is gonna melt and then the liquor gets diluted. So really, if anything, on the rocks should get you a discount. 

-I had a really weird thing happen to me earlier this week. The Powerball on Monday was $550 million and I decided to play it. I bought 5 tickets so statistically speaking, my odds were pretty high. And I actually decided that I was going to win. I thought about it, and I realized, “You know what? I would enjoy having 550 million dollars. My life would be better with that money. I’m going to win tonight.” The pros certainly outweighed the cons. And then my numbers just didn’t come up? Which was weird because I specifically decided that I was going to win. So I don’t know what got lost in translation there. I actually did call the customer service NY Lottery and said “Hey Tommy Smokes here. I think we had a little mix up” and explained the problem in detail, and they hung up on me. Weird. 

-Without looking at the numbers, I would assume that airline tickets to Washington DC today, January 6th, have to be extremely low. Cause it’s exactly one year after the Capitol Attack and maybe you just had to go today for business or a family vacation, but it’s probably tough to tell people like “DC! The 6th! I’m flying in. Me and my boys. We got a ton of stuff planned. There to take care of some business. Gonna be sightseeing a lot. All the landmarks, I’ll be there.” Just maybe fly in on the 7th. 

Thank you for your time.