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Of Course A Man In Maryland Was Assaulted With A Can Of Crab Meat

Can you think of a more Maryland crime? If you get attacked with a can of crab meat in the streets of Maryland that is basically a sign of love and affection. In this case a man went over to a police officer and let them know someone he knew had assaulted him with a can of crab meat. Gave him a cut and everything, no major injuries, but lets be real, getting smoked in the head with a can of meat can’t feel good. Also, crab meat is SUPER expensive right now, like $40 bucks a can, it’s not cheap. This was a costly assault. The only thing more Maryland I could think of is a guy with purple camo pants on strangling someone with a Maryland flag while also having a blue crab pinch the guy while getting doused in old bay. 

I’d love to know what the argument was over. They were obviously on their way to make some sort of meal, probably crabcakes which is really the only way to eat crabs. But what would get someone so mad that they tried to bash another man’s head in with a can? It had to be something awful. But what a way to end the year for this guy too. 

“Hey Dale, how was your New Years?” 

“Good, got smoked in the head with a can of crab meat.”

Gotta love Maryland,  baby.