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Lighten the Fuck Up! Billy's Mother Was Baking Cookies in the Kitchen on Christmas Day...

Giphy Images.

On Christmas Day, Billy's mother was baking cookies in the kitchen and listening to her young son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train whistle blow, the train come to a stop, and then her eight-year-old son pretending to be the conductor, announce, "All you mother fuckers who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And, all of you mother fuckers who are getting on, get on the fucking train cause it'll be leaving momentarily with or without your sorry ass…"

Billy's mother couldn't believe what she was hearing and immediately interrupted her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house! Now go to your room and stay there for two hours and when you come out, you can play with your new train set provided you use better language and you're courteous to your passengers."

Two hours later, Billy came out of his room and immediately started playing with his train. Soon the train whistled, stopped, and his mother heard him say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one and that you'll be riding with us again real soon." 

She smiled and then listened as Billy continued, "For those of you just boarding, we ask that you stow all of your carry-on luggage in the overhead compartments. Remember, there is no smoking allowed on the train. We hope you have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." 

Billy's mother was so proud of her son for understanding the importance of being courteous to his passengers. Billy had obviously learned a very important lesson and on Christmas Day… 

Then, after a short pause, Billy added, "For those of you who were inconvenienced by the unexpected two-hour delay, please see the bitch baking cookies in the kitchen… Oh, I almost forgot, Merry Fucking Christmas!"

* Vindog has been repurposing jokes since 1968                                                                                                                                 

If you've enjoyed the "Lighten the Fuck Up!" blog series now you can wear the merch!                                                                        

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