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"And Just Like That," Peloton Stock Is Plummeting Because One Of Their Bikes Killed Off The World's Favorite Toxic Dream Man (SPOILERS)

If I were to tell you a...late 60s, possible early 70s man with a heart condition was taking his 1,000th ride on a Peloton bike and happened to have a heart attack and die, would you be surprised? Probably not. Sounds very unfortunate, but, what can you do. 

What if I told you that man....was Mr Big?

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SOBS. TEARS. SCREAMING, KICKING, STOMPING. LIFE ISN'T FUCKING FAIR!!!!!! 

The first two episodes of the new Sex And The City reboot, "And Just Like That" are out on HBO Max right now, and I say this as a word of caution - do NOT wear any makeup while watching. You will sob it all off, your face will distort into positions you didn't think possible. We of course are already mourning the absence of Samantha (Kim Cattrall isn't a part of the cast anymore because I guess they all hate each other in real life? That fucking sucks.) She's "gone off to London" after Carrie didn't need her as a publicist anymore, fracturing their friendship. We spend a whole episode catching up with all of the characters (Charlotte is an overbearing WASPy mom! Miranda is going back to school and has gray hair! Carrie and Big loved being in quarantine together and cooked every night while listening to Big's extensive record collection!) eventually bringing us to the Manhattan School of Music recital, where Lily Goldenblatt is basically Mozart. Carrie is in attendance, anxiously waiting to get home to leave with her husband to head to the Hamptons later that evening.

Giphy Images.

Carrie comes home, she hears the shower running, starts wandering around looking for her husband…only to find him on the floor, dying (but still alive), unable to move. She screams, she holds him, she…takes way too long to call 911, and then he dies.

What the fuck, HBO? YOU TOLD US HE WASN'T GOING TO DIE!!!! There were rumors when they started filming #AndJustLikeThat that Chris Noth wasn't going to be in the show at all, and they were going to start it off with him having already been dead. Everyone was FURIOUS, so they wrote him into the script. They did NOT mention however, that instead of just telling us he was dead, they were going to SHOW US! We were going to sit through his FUNERAL! The entire second episode shows us Carrie and everyone else grieving, setting up the funeral, sobbing our eyes out - its brutal. A tragic, sad, moving representation of a woman who has lost the love her life in an unfair way. 

The…dare I say "funniest" part about this entire thing, is that PELOTON HAD NO IDEA THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. 

TMZ - Peloton says it not only allowed its bike to be used on the show, but it also allowed one of its instructors -- Jess King -- to play an instructor. In other words, it all looked authentic. Yet the company claims it had no clue about the plotline.

A spokesperson said, "HBO procured the Peloton Bike on their own. Peloton was aware that a bike would be used in the episode and that Jess King would be portraying a fictional Peloton instructor."

BRUTAL! But this part is even better - 

YOU UK - The company also issued a statement from cardiologist and Peloton’s health and wellness advisory council member, Suzanne Steinbaum, suggesting that Mr Big’s lifestyle was most likely what caused his death, rather than his Peloton workout.

‘I’m sure SATC fans, like me, are saddened by the news that Mr. Big dies of a heart attack. Mr. Big lived what many would call an extravagant lifestyle — including cocktails, cigars, and big steaks — and was at serious risk as he had a previous cardiac event in Season 6. These lifestyle choices and perhaps even his family history, which often is a significant factor, were the likely cause of his death. Riding his Peloton Bike may have even helped delay his cardiac event.’

There you have it! Mr Big was ALWAYS going to have a heart attack and die. The Peloton probably HELPED! We've seen this man drink, smoke and eat big steaks for YEARS! He's NEVER been the picture of health! So, I guess the moral of the story is - a lot of people probably die on exercise bikes. It's not Peloton's fault that the most elusive man in history was finally wifed up by The Ultimate New York City Icon For All Basic And Non Basic Bitches, we finally decided he was worthy of our tears and our love, and then he died. Just another thing we can blame Big for, huh? YOU SHOULD'NT HAVE GONE TO PARIS! YOU SHOULD'VE GOTTEN OUT OF THE CAR! YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN ON THE BIKE!  

Rest In Peace, John James Preston. We will remember you for the good times, not the bad.

we won't forget the bad though. Never.