Advertisement

ESPN Interrupted The Ohio State/Towson Game To Tell Us All About ..... Snakes Having Sex

Not gonna lie, had this game on the TV without sound and boy am I upset I missed this live. Mark Adams took a break from yelling about mid-majors and some other bullshit to tell us about snakes fucking? Buddy, the only person I'll listen to break down snakes fucking is Billy Football. He seems qualified for that based on his other animal blogs, just a guess though. Let's make one thing clear here. I don't ever want to know about snakes having sex. Snakes are gross. If you own a snake you are a disgusting human being who should at the minimum live in a cabin in the woods alone and away from society. You can't be trusted. You aren't a normal human being. Snakes are the worst things in the world, barely edging out spiders. 

I guess I should make it even a little more clear. I especially don't want to hear about snakes having sex during a college hoops game. I always say I just want analysts to entertain me (Bill Walton) or teach me something new (someone like Robbie Hummel). The only other option is just being Bill Raftery and there's only one Bill Raftery. But talking about snakes being sexually active starting at 5 and knowing it's mating season? Nope. Last thing I need to close my eyes and picture on a Wednesday night is how pythons have sex. It doesn't make sense. They are snakes. They just slither around. It's like two drunk old ass people that can't get on top of each other. Gross man. 

Sexually active snake talk in a 4 point game. What are we doing here folks? Even OSU was stunned.