Lighten the Fuck Up! "Be Strong, Honey. I Know You can do This for Us..."

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A convicted felon escaped from prison where he'd already spent 15 years of a life sentence. He broke into a local farmhouse in the middle of the night looking for food and money and while in there he discovered a young couple asleep in their bed. He woke them up violently and ordered the guy out of bed, tied him to a chair, and then proceeded to tie his wife's hands to the brass headboard… 

Once she was tied tightly he quickly got on top of her, kissed her neck, and then went into the bathroom. While he was in there, the husband desperately tried to console his wife…

"Listen honey, this guy's an escaped convict, just look at his clothes. He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years, never mind a good-looking one like you. I saw how passionately he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he repulses you. This guy is probably very dangerous and if he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you and I know you can do this for us…" 

His wife immediately responded, "He wasn't kissing my neck, honey. He was whispering in my ear… He told me he was gay, thought you were cute and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him there was a jar in the medicine cabinet in our bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you and I know you can do this for us…"

* Vindog has been repurposing jokes since 1968