The Trifecta of Disaster: Sometimes You Faint, Puke, And Get Pooped On During Your Wedding
Blushing bride Hollee Lynnea-Kolenda Darnell certainly lived up to her moniker this week as she unintentionally put her groom's 'in sickness and in health' loyalty to the test by passing out, vomiting and subsequently getting pooped on during their wedding ceremony in what must surely be every bride's nightmare scenario.
In a chaotic TikTok clip which has racked up over 3.7 million views since it was first uploaded on Tuesday, a visibly wobbly Darnell can be seen gripping her groom Jackson's hands tightly as the two of them start to exchange vows, signalling to him that she'd suddenly fallen ill just as their pastor began to officiate their holy matrimony under an outdoor gazebo in (where else?) Florida.
That my friends is what we call the holy trinity of disaster. It's one thing to get a little light headed on your special day. It's not uncommon to get a bit spooked and nervous on the day you officially agree to spend the rest of your life with someone. It's another for that light-headedness to lead to you actually fainting as you are on the verge of saying "I do." Then as you regain your consciousness on the alter you find the nearest ledge and puke in front of everyone. Not ideal. Oh yeah and on top of all that you get pooped on by a child as you try to recover from the whole ordeal. For this bride Hollee, that was how she celebrated her special day. I haven't been to a ton of weddings in my life yet, but I got a feeling this doesn't happen normally. Maybe one of the three, but certainly not all of them. If we're gonna rank the three real quick I mean the worst of all evils is getting pooped on and it ending up on your dress. I'm stunned a mass murder didn't take place following that so good restraint by the bride. Puking is bad, but there may not be a better feeling than the end of a puke. The immediate relief you feel when it's all over is one of life's great gifts. The act of throwing up is gross and you don't want to do that in a wedding dress, but that feel after is euphoria. Fainting is scary since you are losing complete consciousness. Everyone gets scared when you see a fainter. Don't need that at a wedding. So I'm going worst to best to choose from 1) poop 2) faint 3) puke
We talk a lot about signs these days, specifically when Jersey Jerry gets a feeling about a prop bet the day of a big football game. When he gets a sign you don't question it no matter what the situation is, you just put in your bet and let Jerry take the wheel. Well, if we're listening to the signs here I'm not so sure Hollee and her husband were meant to be. Obviously you want to feel bad for your wife in that moment of crisis, but at the same time in the back of your head all of the red flags and panic alarms have to be going off. Faint, throw up, and poop. The trifecta. Jimmy V thought he had it all right with live, laugh, cry, but it really might be faint, puke, poop. That's living.
I will also say, whenever someone randomly says "I don't feel so good" or "I'm going to faint" you never actually believe them. I'm pretty sure almost everyday I've been around my mom she's at some point uttered the words "I'm nauseous." Everyone's nauseous. Maybe more around me than others, but you never think the person is gonna vomit when they say that. Happened to me in a Pizza Hut once in high school where my buddy said to me while in line to pay at the register. 5 seconds later he was on the floor, face first, with a gash on his forehead after fainting and falling into the actual register. Good times.
Well anyways, I wish Hollee and her husband all the best, but I'd be lying if I didn't say the odds are stacked against them. Then again, if you can get through that you can probably get through anything?