Barstool Chicago Has Uncovered The World's First DeBallZach & It's Absolutely Glorious

DeBallZach: The sacred mythological beast that was promised has now risen from the firey, disgraced ashes of GarPax to avenge and liberate  basketball in Chicago as we know it. A dynamic, high IQ/high motor, 3-headed monster that seamlessly devoured Jim Boylen's soul while simultaneously increasing season ticket sales by 250% year over year. DeBallZach inspires, defends, and protects those who offer their unwavering support through a voluntary monochromatic vision disorder. I'm talking about Seeing Red. And if you make that commitment then consider yourself lucky to live in peace under the protection of an all time perimeter combination. 

In that spirit, we've decided to name the new Bulls prop of the year after DeBallZach. It's a combo of points-assists-rebounds for the 3 headed monster. Tonight we roll this guy out to the public for the first time. Be safe out there.