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I Hope God Has A "Life Wrapped" Waiting For Us

-We talk about the American dream a lot and how there've been so many ambitious people who have set lofty goals and achieved them. Many examples throughout history. But I think the most impressive example of this is the guy at The Michelin Tire Company who decided, “You know know what guys? I get we’ve been doing the whole “making tires thing for awhile” but I have a new idea….. Why don’t we just tell everyone what restaurants are good?” And then the whole world listened. To the people who manufacture rubber wheels. About what food tastes good. It’s incredible they accomplished it. It would be like if Home Depot said “We’ll actually be deciding which moves are Award worthy from here on out” and just did their own Oscars that everyone watched. Good for Michelin. 

-With all the talk about Spotify Wrapped this week, it really makes me hope God has a “Life Wrapped” waiting for us at the Pearly Gates. I want to know how much time I spent sleeping, in the shower, on the toilet, watching movies, watching sports. How many words did I say? How many people did I meet? My total distance walked. What foods and drinks did I consume the most? Where is everything I ever lost? It would make the whole dying thing not so bad. 

-It’s obviously annoying when you get a waiter or waitress who barely pays attention to you and doesn’t come by enough for refills and whatnot, but equally as bad if not worse is the waiter on the extreme other end of that spectrum. The overbearing, overattentive waiter who won’t let you have a few minutes of peace. The other day I had a waitress refilling my glass every time I took a sip of water. I would see her circling like a shark, eyeing me down every sip I took. It made me not want to drink at all and then I end up just as thirsty as if I had a waitress who didn’t come over at all. 

-I recently heard about a charity that raises “awareness” for homeless people. And that seems a little unnecessary to me. Like we should help homeless people, sure, and raise money for them and try to get them into better living situations and employed and what not, but as far as literal awareness goes? I think we’re pretty set on that. Take one walk down a street in New York City and you’ll be plenty aware of homelessness, you don’t need a charity just for that. 

-Every year around this time, I tell myself that I’m really going to get into the Christmas spirit this year. As if I was a kid again. I’m gonna watch Christmas movies, listen to a bunch of Christmas music, look at lights and eat cookies and all that shit. Hell, maybe even go caroling? No probably not that, but still other stuff. And then I just never do and Christmas sneaks up on me and it’s already the 25th. I expect this year to probably go the same exact way. 

-It’s good that we’ve reached a point in America where racism and bigotry are condemned by almost everybody, and we’ve learned a lot and we’re more tolerant of others and whatnot. But it’s kind of funny how around the holidays, it almost switches to a competition of whose family is the MOST racist. All of the Internet kind of gets in a “my family is more racist than yours” off. Like “Oh you think what YOUR uncle said was bad? Well get a load of MY grandpa said1” Very strange.

Thank you for your time.