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I Would Rather Be Dead Than Watch Kris Bryant Play For The White Sox

I don't know how credible Jewel 8 piece chicken is on twitter but I have this instinct reaction to trust him. I love a Jewel 8 piece. I did a whole video* in a Jewel parking lot just because of the fried chicken. You better believe I'm taking this man serious. 

But this isn't about my fascination or appreciation for good local poultry. This is about Kris Bryant playing for the White Sox and I don't think we should allow that. Maybe a time for local government to step up and do its part. I could use an official proclamation from the legislature barring Kris Bryant from playing for the White Sox. Maybe lean into the ever-vague interstate commerce clause and just say it's unconstitutional for him to play south of Madison. Nobody wants to argue against the Unconstitutional guy when it comes to anything much less MLB free agent policy. 

"Less than 1 out of 100 people can properly explain constitutionality" - The Ben Stein Center For Intellectual Superiority

Truth is I don't actually want to die if this happens as there's plenty of reasons to live. I just wouldn't be able to guarantee White Sox Dave's safety. One of us would have to go if KB ends up on the South Side man and I will gladly shank a motherfucker if I have to. 

On a personal level I just cannot picture a world where KB would want to live in Chicago again. His last couple years had to be utterly exhausting facing the same questions and faces and stupid theories every single day. If he has a choice, I don't think he'd come back to that even for more money. For a guy like Kris, it's just not worth the time and trouble when you could start fresh with a new club. 

The biggest thing working against that is KB wants to win very badly. He does not want to sign with a rebuilding team unless money is absurd. For a fair market value deal, I'd expect it to be on a playoff contender. As to what the number is? This seems reasonable to the masses. I selfishly think he's worth more but I know so many others would disagree. Whatever. $27M is a fine number for the guy. He's a class act grade A ball player and nothing less. 

Problem is the market doesn't really see KB as a "finishing" piece. Somebody you'd go above and beyond for to put you over the top. That's what they're saying and it's stupid. 

If it's true, that means KB's market is going to be limited and so would be the opportunity to get a big number. All the more reason the White Sox become a better fit the more I talk about it so I'm just going to shut up now. Big episode of RLR coming tomorrow morning. Bigger one last night talking just baseball. Rate subscribe and review please. 

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*I miss Beef House. Long live Stool Scenes Chicago