Wake Up With A Whole Bunch Of Black Friday Brawls

Ahhhhhh, simpler times when Americans used to actually go to the store in the middle of the night, stampeded like the wildebeests from Lion King once the gates were opened, and beat the everliving piss out of each other for a shitty HDTV. Truly no better way to kick off the season devoted to peace, love, and harmony following the birth of sweet Baby Jesus. 

Sending someone to the hospital because they got the last XBox in stock may seem like a messed up way to celebrate a time based around it's better to give than receive. However, the heroes that filmed all this carnage (preferably with their phone held horizontally) instead of simply watching it unfold with their own two eyes ensured that millions of people would be able to enjoy watching total strangers suffer while sitting in the comfort of their own home with a fridge full of leftovers. Those videos are better gifts than anything those three wise men brought to a baby born in a manger, which is kinda creepy when you type it all out.

Luckily for you guys, you can purchase your favorite Barstool merch, including a TON of new releases, for 20% off without having to risk life and limb. That's right, you can help us put up a #crookednumber without risking leaving Walmart with a crooked nose. I know this is probably the first you've heard of it on the blog or from a professional idiot at Barstool. But that's only because I like you guys more than all the other mamalukes here.