I was preparing myself for my week-long annual gravy battle when I came across a take that makes me look like Oliver Wendell Holmes. Never in my life have I seen such rash decision making. Never in history has there been such shallow analysis enveloping a national debate. Like I'm sincerely trying to get my head wrapped around the next line of gravy arguments and here comes Kelly In Vegas just out of her fuckin skull with nonsense:
"Don't cook the turkey too dry and we won't need gravy" is a first ballot hall of fame crazy ass thing to say. That would be like taking the thousand island off a reuben because you want to emphasize moist beef. Ruling out gravy is like watching day baseball sober. It's a road trip without music. You can still get from point A to point B but it's not going to be nearly as good. You're overlooking a simple yet critical addition that drastically alters the outcome of the final product.
I'm not even talking about gravy as a stand alone side. I floated it out there recently and already you guys are up my ass incessantly talking about nuanced distinctions and ranch dressing and blah blah blah
You guys were ready to send me to the looney bin. Always have been actually. And now Kelly In Vegas is out here putting my Thanksgiving takes out of business. I'm going to have to file Chapter 9 if she keeps this shit up. Or Chapter 11. Whichever one puts me in a better position to make two turkeys this Thanksgiving. That's the chapter of bankruptcy I need if I'm going to make it through this.
In any event who is crazier. Me for for thinking gravy is a side or Kelly for thinking that it DOESN'T EVEN BELONG
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