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Christmas Came Early When A Shitload Of Money Fell Out Of An Armored Truck On A San Diego Highway And Drivers Pulled Over To Pick It All Up

SDUT- Money — a lot of it — fell from an armored truck and littered the freeway in Carlsbad on Friday morning, and several drivers pulled over and started scooping it up. Cash covered the northbound lanes of Interstate 5 near Cannon Road starting just before 9:15 a.m., California Highway Patrol Officer Jim Bettencourt said. “For whatever reason, money was falling out of an armored car,” Bettencourt said. “It was free-floating bills all over the freeway.” The bills fluttering across the lanes were primarily $1s and $20s, authorities said.

Oh what the fuck man? Every time I pass by an unmanned Brinks truck while at a store, I dream that beautiful dream of popping open the doors, stealing a couple of bags because I'm a simple man that can live off whatever cash is inside for the rest of my life, and disappearing into the ether of the planet. I always pussy out because that's exactly what I am. But nothing beats those 20 or so steps where I imagine being able to retire thanks to a Brinks driver fucking up.

However, the people that live in a place that is 72, sunny, and named after a whale's vagina not only got to live that dream, they didn't even have to jump in the truck because the money pretty much fell in their laps as they drove their fancy Cali convertibles. I've never felt like more of a schmuck than I do right now blogging this story while sitting in my New York house as it's literally freezing outside, even though the FBI seems to think people have to give this cash back.

For those who grabbed cash, a warning from the CHP: “If you stop to pick up money, as many people as videoed the scene, you can possibly be facing charges,” Bettencourt said. “If a bunch of TVs fell from a truck across the freeway, you can’t just take the TVs,” he said.

Two people believed to have stopped to collect cash were arrested at the scene. Martin, the CHP sergeant, said they’d locked themselves out of their car, which they’d left in the traffic lanes. The car was towed. Martin said the CHP is working with the FBI to investigate and recover as much cash as possible. “I highly suggest to anybody that picked up cash out here — it’s not your cash, so turn it in immediately to the CHP office in Vista.”

Uhhhh excuse me, I thought we lived in AMERICA! Our forefathers would hate seeing their citizens getting shaken down by their government for someone fucking up. You don't coin the legendary phrase "no taxation without representation" without subscribing to the motto "finders keepers, losers weepers" as well. Don't try to compare a bunch of TVs falling off a truck to a bunch of money falling off a truck either, because as a wise man who doesn't repeat himself once said…

If money drops from the sky, it is your God given right to claim it just like it is one of the CRAZY Black Friday sales on the Barstool Store (Someone please tell Portnoy I'm already peddling our stuff a week early).

In fact, the only crime I saw in that video were the mamalukes posing with cash in hopes of going viral instead of stuffing every last dollar into their clothes and body in order to pay the San Diego prices that come with living in paradise. But that's more a crime against your own happiness than against anyone else, even though I won't criticize any Californian that drove past free money to enjoy the feeling of a California highway with nobody on it because the traffic out there is just as bad, if not worse, than advertised.