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Nothing Is More Stressful Than An Eye Exam

-There’s nothing more stressful than an eye exam when they’re asking you what lens looks clearer. There’s so much pressure, and sometimes I can’t tell the difference! They look the same, but it feels so high stakes. It feels like a competition or a test where you need to get the right answer, but it’s really just for your own benefit to make sure you see properly. But I wish they could just tell me which one’s clearer and take the pressure off me. You’re the doctor! Oh and by the way, that eye puff machine thing they do shooting air into your eye? Bring that to Guantanamo Bay because that is pure torture. 

-All restaurants should be required to tell you the serving size of appetizers. Wings. Chicken tenders. Sliders for sure. Potato skins. Mozzarella sticks. Anything in that vein, it needs to say on the menu how many come with it for splitting purposes. Save us the time of asking the waiter, and put the number in parentheses. 

-I feel like the New Testament has kind of skated by on that “new” tag for a little too long. It’s been like 2000 years now. “New” seems like quite a stretch. It should be “Really, Really, Really, Old, Ancient Testament” And “Slightly Less Old But Still Really Old Testament.” That’s why people don’t go to church as much anymore. They’ve heard the same stories over and over and over. It would be like a TV show just running the same season every year. They should just write some new shit if they want people to go to church more. 

-So usually in these videos, I consider myself a teacher of sorts. I give everyone little tips and advice on how to live life correctly and how society can improve. But I’m flipping the script here, I need advice from you guys for once. How often am I supposed to wash my fucking hoodies? Shirts, underwear, socks, I know are every use. Pants after a few wears. Jackets? Never obviously. But hoodies? Not a clue. Every use seems unnecessary. They’re not against your body. But definitely more often than a jacket because they’re on you for longer. But not TOO often because they get a lot less soft. I guess it maybe depends on how long you’re wearing them for in a single use. And then it’s just kind of a smell and stain thing where you feel it out. But I wish there was just a more set rule of how often they get washed because it’s probably the biggest problem in my life right now. 

-Someone telling me I’m “underrated” kind of feels like it’s not really that good of a compliment. It’s like saying, “Hey I know you’re not popular with other people, but I like you!” I think I’d rather someone say I’m overrated because that implies that the general public thinks highly of me and you specifically just don’t. It reminds me of a DM I got recently where a girl said she was “unironically attracted to me.” That felt rather insulting. Are you implying that most people are ironically attracted to me? That’s… mean.

Thank you for your time.

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