Is Staten Island The New Manhattan? Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson Say "Yes!"

Holy Christ on the cross. I've been trying to beat people to blogging this new budding relationship for a few days, stopping myself, worrying that there would be too many stories about Kim and Pete. Then I realized. There is no such thing as too much press covering the newfound relationship between KIM KARDASHIAN AND PETE DAVIDSON.

Are we living in an alternate universe? Kimmy K is finally flexing those single girl muscles, and she has chosen The King of Staten Island himself, PETE DAVIDSON for her new whirlwind romance. For those who believe the LIES being fed to us that "this is fake! It's a publicity stunt! They're just friends!" You're BLIND. You're STUPID. You need a LOBOTOMY. 

I grew up in New Jersey, and have lived in Manhattan now for almost a decade. The most I've been on Staten Island is when I took the wrong exit on 95 while on my way home from Philadelphia. If you had asked me a week ago, I would've told you that my impression of the majority of Staten Island is that it's a literal dump, like, we dump our garbage there:

Even Carrie Bradshaw has made an unsuccessful attempt at warming up to Staten Island:

Now you're telling me that Pete Davidson's dick swings so big that he has convinced Kim to COME TO DINNER ON STATEN ISLAND? My god. Now, I'm a massive Pete fan. I've always thought he was funny, I saw him open up for Chapelle once at Gramercy Theater in like, 2015 and I was sold on him forever. Could I have EVER imagined he would eventually become so unattainable? In the past 4 years this man has been in various stages of relationships with Cazzie David, Ariana Grande, Kate Beckinsale, Margaret Qualley, Kaia Gerber, Phoebe Dynevor…and now KIM? 

Yes, Pete and Kim kissed during a sketch on SNL a few weeks ago, and honestly, I thought to myself, "I'm surprised Kim agreed to just kiss anyone on TV:

Turns out it's NOT JUST ANYONE!!! It's her new boytoy!!! They kissed on TV, they held hands on a spooky Halloween ride, and now they've gone to dinner on Pete's turf. For celebrities, this equals dating. Are they getting married? No way. Not a chance this relationship lasts. Pete's not going to become a stepdad to Kanye West's kids. They are friends, sure, who are also banging and having fun. I love it, I can't wait to see how the rest of it goes, and I can't believe Pete Davidson has solidified himself as the most eligible bachelor in the world in this the year of our lord, 2021. 

Do I need to start checking Zillow on Staten Island?