I Leave Coins In My Pocket To Make Sure Metal Detectors Work

-Whenever I’m going through security at an airport or anywhere really, I prefer when it’s more strict. If I’m about to go through a metal detector, I might even leave a couple coins in my pocket just to make sure that it’s working properly. The other day I left an opened water bottle in my backpack and TSA didn’t even flag it, and that made me nervous. First it’s half a Poland Spring. And next is what? Guy behind me has a bomb? I’m trying to keep these people on their toes and they’re asleep at the wheel!

-I think a funny Halloween costume would be to go as a really outdated viral trend and just pretend like it’s current. Like this year, everyone is going to be the Island Boys or someone from Squid game, but while they all zig, you zag and dress up as Alex from Target, the good looking cashier dude from like 7 years ago. Or the Damn Daniel Vans guy, or Ken Bone, or maybe the “Charlie bit my finger” babies if you really want to throw it back. And then act like they’re the crazy ones when they think it’s a weird costume, “Uh you don’t know Alex from Target? He was so viral he ended up on Ellen. Quit living under a rock.” These people might think you just got out of a coma, but it still would be funny. 

-I really don’t like cleaning often. It’s just annoying and quite a chore, but whenever I do decide to do it, I clean like I’m trying to wipe down a murder scene. No half-ass cleaning. Just go all in like the bathtub scene in Breaking Bad scrubbing down every last fingerprint and speck of dirt I see. I’m not wasting all that time and energy just to have to clean again in a week. No. I do one thorough cleaning that could last a full year if I’m lucky. 

-Isn’t it just the absolute worst when you think someone is saying “Hi” to you, but they’re actually talking to the person behind you? Or when like, I don’t know, let’s take this totally hypothetical example. Your name is Timmy Stokes and you work as a content creator at an entertainment company and maybe you post a lot of TikToks, and recently your TikTok has been doing really well, and you just crossed 100,000 followers, and also you’re really really hot. But anyway, maybe a big famous TikTokker comes into your office one day, let’s say, I don’t know, for argument’s sake we’ll call him Bryce Hall, and he’s walking around and he points right at you and says “I see your TikToks all the time!” and you get really excited and think “Oh my God wow! I mean makes sense. I did just cross 100,000 followers and recently met Josh Richards who I’m basically best friends with now so they probably share my TikToks together in their group chat and talk about how funny, relatable, and handsome I am. This is amazing!” But then he’s actually talking about the person behind you. God, that would be so awkward. Can’t imagine that. Both the hello thing and that would really suck. 

-I wonder how it became common coffee maker etiquette that you take out the previous person’s dirty coffee filter, put your own in, and then leave that there for the next person. You’d think everyone would just put their own in and throw their own out when they’re done. But this way is just so commonly accepted. Strange!

-Whenever I’m walking in the rain with an umbrella and someone without an umbrella walks past me, I’ll raise mine a little higher so they can get just a brief few seconds of protection. It really doesn’t do much, or anything at all, but I feel like if God’s on the fence with Heaven or Hell for me, this could be a few good points in my favor. 

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