Let me start off by saying God I hope this video is real. I would usually never think such an ugly thought about such a beautiful fight, but that was almost too perfect. You beat the shit out of someone by hammering them over the head with a Wet Floor sign or a random metal rack, fine. But that nice young lady using flowers as a weapon and a fire extinguisher going off at the end had more red flags going off in my head than all of Twitter has had since that stupid red flag emoji meme started going super viral. Was all of that awesome to see? Yes. Was it also sus af because everything was just a little too perfect? Definitely.
Anyway, the focus on this blog should've never been the authenticity of the video, which I cannot overstate how awesome it was to watch if it wasn't staged. It should be how great fights full of props are. I know wrestling is in the middle of a renaissance right now with AEW looking Vinnie Mac and WWE right in the eyes. Which is why I hope we see the return of the hardcore title down the road. I didn't give a damn about Bob Holly during his early days as a jobber or even as Spark Plug Holly. But the amount of dopamine pumped into my brain as I watched Hardcore Holly fight random people for that taped up belt cannot be measured.
BONUS: Top 5 Items To Use In A Convenience Store Fight
A big reason why convenience store fights are so fun is because they don't scream the amount of typical danger you'd see in other places because the convenience store is such a happy place. That bing bong as you walk through the automatic doors, the AC perfectly set at 34 degrees in the summer, every single snack and drink you could ever ask for. You even know that there are three potential smells when you walk into a convenience store, regardless of what state it is in.
However, gas entering a convenience store fight from the pumps outside ramps up the unknown and danger of a convenience store fight without actually making it dangerous since no site would publish someone getting lit on fire. Unless you are watching Live Leak, which apparently isn't even around anymore. But the mere presence of gasoline along with the potential of a spark definitely gets the primal juices flowing.
4. Hot Dog Roller
What the hot dog roller lacks in practicality as a weapon it more than makes up for in entertainment value. Not only can you rake your opponents head over the rolling metal coils, but you can also beat them with a meat wrapped in casing, which also scratches a weird primal itch.
Obligatory Olivia Munn hot dog gif since it for not other reason than it pretty much lived on Barstool back in the day
3. Fountain Soda Machine
I couldn't find a fountain soda machine, sue me. But as you can see in the entirety of my list, I enjoy items that are not in the solid state since 99% of weapons are solid. Seeing someone get doused with an array of soda as well as an avalanche of ice would be awesome. Give me gaseous and liquid items, which the convenience store always oddly has an abundance of. Which takes us to…
2. Fire Extinguisher
So simple yet so hilarious. If laughing at someone getting absolutely doused in chemicals meant to extinguish fires is wrong, I don't want to be right. I was almost definitely going to blog the video but once I saw the people unleash the fire extinguisher at the end, I logged in, rolled my sleeves up, and put my thinking cap on because any fight with a fire extinguisher deserves an A+ effort.
As a self-proclaimed junk food connoisseur, seeing snacks being used for any activity other than eating hurts my overworked heart. However, the best part of every convenience store is the unlimited snacks and seeing which snacks a gladiator chooses as their weapon always entertains me. Using any sort of chocolate or chip in a bag is the mark of an amateur. But any combatant that has the brains to weaponize a Slim Jim or a can of Pringles has my allegiance for the rest of our lives.
That being said, I hope the Entenmann's on the floor of the video above were used as a weapon and not just knocked over in the heat of battle. I don't mind seeing TastyKakes and Little Debbies on the floor since the people that usually eat those strike me as the fighting type. But Entenmann's is a cut above all that tomfoolery. Especially the GOAT chocolate frosted donut that KFC lusts for.
BONUS BONUS: I can't mention wrestling's renaissance powered by AEW without including my guy Bob Fox's My Mom's Basement interviews with Tony Khan and CM Punk since they are two of the people leading the charge