If You Sue Pop-Tarts For Not Having Enough Real Strawberry In Their Strawberry Pop-Tarts You Are A Terrorist

I don't throw around the word "terrorist" lightly. I'd say there's a big 3: People who put ketchup on steak, Dan Snyder, and people who sue Pop-Tarts for the alleged lack of strawberries in the strawberry 'Tarts. 

Fox 5 - Kellogg’s may be in a jam after a $5 million class-action lawsuit was filed over the alleged lack of the berry in the company’s frosted strawberry-flavored Pop-Tarts. 

The lawsuit was filed in late August by Anita Harris in the U.S. District Court Southern District of Illinois East St. Louis Division against Kellogg Sales Company.

In the complaint, Harris claimed that Kellogg’s company leaders "give consumers the impression the fruit filling contains a greater relative and absolute amount of strawberries than it does.

However, according to court documents, she claimed the company has engaged in false advertising. 

For example, she said the product is commonly referred to as "Frosted Strawberry – Toaster Pastries" but "its filling contains a relatively significant amount of nonstrawberry fruit ingredients – pears and apples – shown on the ingredient list.

She also accused Kellogg’s of using Red 40, an artificial color dye, to make the food appear that it has an ample amount of strawberries.

Oh give me a god damn break Anita Harris. Ain't nobody is buying Pop-Tarts for their nutritional value. Nobody is buying Strawberry Pop-Tarts because they are trying to get in shape and need their servings of fruits and veggies. We are buying Pop-Tarts because they are god damn delicious. Save for the crust outside of the frosted area (I ate frosted brown sugar cinnamon Pop-Tarts every day for 3 year on the way to school and would break the crust off and toss it out the window), a PT is a wildly delicious treat, and props to them for somehow convincing society it's a breakfast food. And furthermore, while this is on my mind, props to mostly ALL breakfast foods for having the best PR guys in the game. Pancakes and waffles covered in butter and syrup somehow ended up on the breakfast menu. And of course basically all delicious cereals. Whoever was in charge at General Mills when they realized all you have to do is shrink down any dessert and put it in a box you could then call it "breakfast cereal" should be a billionaire. "Do you like chocolate cake? "Yup" "Make it 10x smaller and mix in some corn meal, we now have Cocoa Puffs". Brilliant stuff.

So let me tell you this right now Ms. Anita Harris- I don't need a significant amount of strawberry. That is not on the list of things I need. Just like I don't expect Taco Bell to start selling Filet Mignon and I don't expect McDonalds to serve anything besides that pink slime stuff, I don't expect my Pop-Tarts to contain a healthy serving of anything besides sugary goodness. Thank you and good day sir. I said good day!