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It Was Fun While It Lasted Righties. "Critical Hand Theory" Has Arrived

Give it to me. I love it.

I mentioned the other day in the Demi Lovato A̶l̶i̶e̶n̶ Extraterrestrial’s blog, but I can’t get enough of the triggered-ness. 

Enough of the freeloading, made in the shade life right-handed people have enjoyed at the expense of the left-handed for centuries.

As a right-handed person myself, I never knew I should feel guilty for oppressing southpaws until this brave professor at Coastal Carolina University so valiantly took up the torch. (And a student documented it) (And Old Row tweeted it)

Fun Fact - do you know where the term southpaw originated from? Supposedly, late 19th-century ballparks were all laid out so that the pitcher looked in a westerly direction when facing the batter. The throwing arm of a left-handed pitcher would then be to the south-hence the name southpaw.

When you really think about it, aside from the left-handed batter's box being closer to first base, what advantages do left handed people have in this world?

I would say zero.

Think of all the things designed with only the 90% right-handed population in mind: scissors, binders and notebooks, pant zippers. And what about sporting equipment like golf clubs, hockey sticks, and baseball mitts? 

Just total disregard.

As happy as I am to see society progressing to a point where we are righting every single wrong (see what I did there?) even ones nobody ever even considered until we started turning over every stone conceivable in search of them, part of me fears for the older generations. The ones that just didn't know any better. 

Like my nana for instance. 

She comes from a time, and a land, where they legitimately believe left-handed people are evil. There are zillions of bizarre southern Italian superstitions, and the belief that left-handed people are close to the devil ranks up there with the craziest. The Latin word for sinister, "sinistra," originally meant "left side" but evolved into meanings of "evil" or "unlucky." Everything in the Bible, and all depictions of the devil, associate evil with the left side, left hand, even the left foot. 

I feel like I need to call my grandmother stat, and try to explain things before she goes and gets herself canceled. 

p.s. - if you're a father and you're not raising your son or daughter to throw left-handed, or kick left-footed you're doing it all wrong. If you are a competent left-footed punter there's a spot for you on Bill Belichick's roster always.

p.p.s. - somewhere Ned Flanders weeps tears of joy.